[Jokes] [TTFF] XMas fun (fwd)

[Chris McKenna]

-- 
Chris 'Awkward' McKenna

cmckenna at sucs.swan.ac.uk
awkward at gmx.co.uk
www.sucs.swan.ac.uk/~cmckenna


The essential things in life are seen not with the eyes,
but with the heart

Antoine de Saint Exupery


---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Mon, 23 Dec 2002 09:21:06 -0000
From: ian.jones <ian.jones13 at ntlworld.com>
Reply-To: ttforumfriends at yahoogroups.com
To: ttforumfriends at yahoogroups.com
Subject: [TTFF] XMas fun

Can't remember if you've seen all these - some you might, but others may hopefully be a bit newer....

Just two mor shoplifting days to Xmas!!





WHO WANTS TO BE MILLIONAIRE?

CHRISTMAS SPECIAL


This Blonde goes on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and she is going for the £100 question.


Chris Tarrant: Name two of Santa's reindeer?

A) Dancer & Prancer

B) Vixon & Nixon

C) Comet & Star

D) Olive & Rudolph


Blonde: "(D) Olive & Rudolph"

***** Audience Chuckles *****

***** Chris Tarrant sniggers*****


Tarrant: Is that your final answer?

Blonde: Yes

Tarrant: You Sure?

Blonde: Yes

Tarrant: I'm sorry but you are wrong! Do you mind telling how you came up with that answer?

Blonde: From the Rudolph song -- you know, 'Rudolph the red nose reindeer, had a very shiny nose, and if you ever saw it - you would even say it glows. Olive the other reindeer.......


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CHRISTMAS QUOTES

- That Sound Dirty But Aren't

Talk about huge breasts!

Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist!

It's Cool Whip time.

If I don't undo my pants I'll burst.

Whew, that's a terrific spread

I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.

Are you ready for seconds yet?

It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

Just wait your turn, you'll get some.

Don't play with your meat.

Just spread the legs open & stuff it in.

Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?

I didn't expect everyone to come at once.

You still have a little bit on your chin.

Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it.

How long will it take after you put it in?

You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that.

How many are coming?

That's the biggest one I've ever seen.

Just lay back and take it easy...I'll do the rest

How long do I beat it before it's ready?

Just reach in and grab the giblets.

And he forces his way into the end zone!

She's 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down.

It must be broken 'cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CHRISTMAS CHEER


After a party, three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates, waiting to enter Heaven. On entering, St. Peter tells them, because of the time of year, they must present something that represents "Christmas."


The first man searches his pockets and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in.


The second man presents a piece of tinsel from his hat, so he is also allowed in.


The third man pulls out a pair of panties.


Confused at this last gesture, St Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"


"They're Carol's," he said. 

~~~~~~~~~~
CHRISTMAS CAROLS


for the Psychiatrically Challenged









      DEMENTIA:
     I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas
     
      MANIC:
     Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and..
     
      MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER:
     We Three Queens Disoriented Are
     
      NARCISSISTIC:
     Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
     
      OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER:
     Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock............(better start again)
     
      PARANOID:
     Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me.
     
      PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY:
     On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me
     
      PERSONALITY DISORDER:
     You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell you Why...
     
      SCHIZOPHRENIA:
     Do you Hear What I Hear?
     


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
ttforumfriends-unsubscribe at yahoogroups.com

 

Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/