[Jokes] FW: [TTFF] WORDS THAT SHOULD EXIST
McKenna, Chris (RDSSW)
chris.mckenna at defra.gsi.gov.uk
Tue Jul 29 17:21:52 BST 2003
Sent: 29 July 2003 16:46
Subject: [TTFF] WORDS THAT SHOULD EXIST
Words That Don't Exist... But Should...
ACCORDIONATED (ah kor' de on ay tid) - adj. Being able to drive and refold a
road map at the same time.
AEROPALMICS (ayr o palm' iks) - n. The study of wind resistance conducted by
holding a cupped hand out the car window.
AGONOSIS (ah uh no' sis) - n. The syndrome of tuning into "Wide World of
Sports" every Saturday just to watch the skier rack himself.
AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bath
tap on and off with your toes.
BOZONE (n). The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas
from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of
breaking down in the near future.
CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, or
running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching
over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the
vacuum one more chance.
DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilise the piece of candy you dropped on
the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow remove all the germs.
ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people manoeuvring for one
armrest in a movie theatre.
FOREPLOY: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting
FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the
dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides
to give up and sweep it under the rug.
GIRAFFITI: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
IGNORANUS: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here"
spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal'
MUMMABOLIC CHORUS (mum uh bah' lik ko' rus) - n. When three or more people
are singing along to a tune and suddenly discover they are all faking their
way through the unintelligible lyrics.
NARCOLEPULACY (nar ko lep' ul ah see) - n. The contagious action of yawning,
causing everyone in sight to also yawn.
OREOSIS (awr ee oh' sis) - n. The practice of eating the cream centre of an
Oreo before eating the cookie outsides.
PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose
seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialling a phone number and
forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
PRESTOFRIGERATION The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of
constantly returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something new will
PUPKUS (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses
its nose to it.
PYJANGLE (pah jan' gul) - n. Condition of waking up with your pyjamas turned
RIGNITION (rig ni' shun) - n. The embarrassing action of trying to start
one's car with the engine already running.
SARCHASM: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who
doesn't get it.
SARK (sark) (n). The marks left on one's ankle after wearing tube socks all
TANUMBUM (n). The sorry side of the Christmas tree that gets placed toward
TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the
phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six
TURFIGEE AND PEDIGEE (ter' fih jee and ped' ih jee) - n. The two extreme
target points of a rotary lawn sprinkler, TURFIGEE being the safest point at
which to walk past, PEDIGEE being the most dangerous.
WONDRACIDE (v). The act of mangling a piece of soft white bread with a pat
of cold butter.
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