[Jokes] Beer Scooters
pklong at btinternet.com
Tue May 18 12:43:51 BST 2004
How many times have you woken up in the morning
a hard night of drinking and thought 'How did I get
As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your
return journey from the bar to your home. The answer
to this puzzle is that you used a beer scooter.
The beer scooter is a mythical form of transport,
owned and leased out to the drunk by Bacchus the
god of wine. Bacchus has branched out since the
decrease in the worship of the Roman pantheon and
bought a large batch of these magical devices. The
beer scooter works in the following fashion:
The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness
and the slurring gland begins to give off a
pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many
detects the pheromone and sends down a winged beer
The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits
in their bedroom via a trans-dimensional portal.
It is not cheap to run a beer scooter franchise, so
large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is
taken as payment. This generates the second question
after a night out 'How did I spend so much money?'
Beer scooters have a poor safety record and are
thought to be responsible for 90% of all UDI
(Unidentified Drinking Injuries). An undocumented
feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of
segments during the trip.
The nature of trans-dimensional portals dictates
that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for.
generates the third question after a night out 'What
With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the EMIT
(Embarrassing Moments In Time) add on, that
automatically removes, in descending order, those
parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one
person's EMIT is not necessarily the EMIT of another
and quite often lost time is regained over a
Independent studies have also shown that Beer
cause the scooter's navigation system to malfunction
thus sending the passenger to the wrong bedroom
with horrific consequences. With recent models
including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a
scooter drive-thru chain specialising in half eaten
kebabs and pizza crusts. Another question answered!!
For the family man, beer scooters come equipped with
flowers picked from other people's garden and
Lot Boots. These boots are designed in such a way
no matter how quietly you tip-toe, you are sure to
wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity
ensure that you bump into every wall and the CTSGS
(Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the
ring barked shins.
The final add-in Bacchus saw fit to invest in for
scooters is TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This
explains how one person can apparently get through
Marlboro Lights in a single night.
More information about the Jokes