[Jokes] FW: Computer Camp
McKenna, Chris (RDSSW)
chris.mckenna at defra.gsi.gov.uk
Wed Sep 1 14:26:04 BST 2004
From: Rob Hood
Sent: 01 September 2004 14:22
Subject: Computer Camp
Dear Mr. Johnson:
Ann Landers wouldn't print this. I have nowhere else to turn. I have to get
the word out. Warn other parents. I must be rambling on. Let me try and
It's about my son, Billy. He's always been a good, normal 10 year old boy.
Well, last spring we sat down after dinner to select a summer camp for
We sorted through the camp brochures. There were the usual camps with
swimming, canoeing, games, singing by the campfire -- you know. There were
sports camps and specialty camps for weight reduction, music, military camps
and camps that specialized in Tibetan knot tying.
I tried to talk him into Camp Winnepoopoo. It's where he went last year
Billy would have none of it. Billy pulled a brochure out of his pocket. It
was for a COMPUTER CAMP! We should have put our foot down right there, if
only we had known. He left three weeks ago.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAS HAPPENED. He's changed. I can't explain it. See for
These are some of my little Billy's letters:
Letter # 1
The kids are dorky nerds. The food stinks. The computers are the only good
part. We're learning how to program. Late at night is the best time to
program, so they let us stay up. Love, Billy.
Letter # 2
Camp is O.K. Last night we had pizza in the middle of the night. We all get
to choose what we want to drink. By the way, can you make Szechwan food? I'm
getting used to it now. Gotta go, it's time for the flowchart class. Love,
P.S. This is written on a word processor. Pretty swell, huh? It's spell
Letter # 3
Don't worry. We do regular camp stuff. We told ghost stories by the glow of
the green computer screens It was real neat. I don't have much of a tan
cause we don't go outside very often. You can't see the computer screen in
the sunlight anyway. That wimp camp I went to last year fed us weird food
too. Lay off, Mom. I'm okay, really.
Letter # 4
I'm fine. I'm sleeping enough. I'm eating enough. This is the best camp
ever. We scared the counselor with some phony worm code. It was real funny.
He got mad and yelled. Can you send more money? I've got to chip in on the
phone bill. Did you know that you can talk to people on a computer? Give my
regards to Dad.
Letter # 5
Forget the money for the telephone. We've got a way to not pay. Sorry I
haven't written. I've been learning a lot. I'm real good at getting onto any
computer in the country. It's really easy! I got into the university's in
less than fifteen minutes. Frederick did it in five, he's going to show me
how. Frederick is my bunk partner. He's really smart. He says that I
shouldn't call myself Billy anymore. So, I'm not.
Letter # 6
How nice of you to come up on Parents Day. Why'd you get so upset? I haven't
gained that much weight The glasses aren't real. Everybody wears them. I was
trying to fit in. Believe me, the tape on them is cool. I thought that you'd
be proud of my program. After all, I've made some money on it. A publisher
is sending a check for $30,000. Anyway, I've paid for the next six weeks of
camp. I won't be home until late August.
Letter # 7
Stop treating me like a child True -- physically I am only ten years old. It
was silly of you to try to kidnap me. Do not try again. Remember, I can make
your life miserable (i.e., - the bank, credit bureau, and government
computers). I am not kidding. O.K? I won't write again and this is your only
warning. The emotions of this interpersonal communication drain me.
What can I do, Mr. Johnson?
See what I mean? It's been two weeks since I've heard from my little boy. I
know that it's probably too late to save my little Billy. But, if by
printing these letters you can save JUST ONE CHILD from a life of
programming, please, I beg of you to do so. Thank you very much.
Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (Defra)
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