[Jokes] Noah and the Ark in 2005 (fwd)

[Chris McKenna]

---------- Forwarded message ----------

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who  was
now living in the United States, and said, "Once again,
the earth has  become wicked and over-populated and I see
the end of all flesh before  me.
>
Build another Ark and save two of every living thing  along
with a few good humans."
>
He gave Noah the blueprints,  saying, "You have
six months to build the Ark before I will start the
unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights".
>
Six months later, the  Lord looked down and saw Noah
weeping in his yard.... but no  ark.
>
"Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is
the Ark?"
>
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have  changed.
I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the
inspector  about the need for a sprinkler system.
>
My neighbors! claim that I've  violated the neighborhood
zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and  exceeding
the height limitations.
>
We had to go to the Development  Appeal Board for a decision.
>
Then the Department of Transportation  demanded
a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power
lines and  other overhead obstructions, to
clear the passage for the Ark's move to the  sea.
I argued that the sea would be coming to us, but
they would hear  nothing of it.
>
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban
on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl.
I tried to  convince the environmentalists that I needed
the wood to save the owls. But  no go!
>
When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an
animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining
wild animals  against their will.

>As well, they argued the accommodation was too
restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so
many animals in a  confined space.
>
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark  until
they'd conducted an environmental impact study on
your proposed  flood.
>
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the
Human  Rights Commission on how many minorities
I'm supposed to hire for my  building crew.
>
Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons.
They insist I have to hire only Union workers with
Ark-building  experience.
>
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my  assets,
claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with
endangered species.
>
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at  least
ten years for me to finish this Ark."
>
Suddenly the skies  cleared, the sun began to shine,
and a rainbow stretched across the  sky.
>
>Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean, You're  not going to destroy the world?".
>
>"No," said the Lord. "The  government beat me to  it."