[Jokes] Re: FW: IQ Awards (fwd)

[Steve Hill]

See below :)

-- 

- Steve Hill
System Administrator         Email: steve at navaho.co.uk
Navaho Technologies Ltd.       Tel: +44-870-7034015

        ... Alcohol and calculus don't mix - Don't drink and derive! ...


---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Tue, 17 Jul 2001 16:24:30 BST
From: Kerry Hall <kerry at navaho.co.uk>
To: all at navaho.co.uk
Subject: Re: FW: IQ Awards (fwd)

I know I shouldnt send these things round - but they made me chuckle!

-- 
Kerry Hall                               mailto:kerry.hall at navaho.co.uk
Communications Executive                      	  http://www.navaho.co.uk
Navaho Technologies Ltd.                         phone:+44 870 703 4015
Fairchild House, Southampton St,		fax: 02380 230 812
Southampton, SO16 2ED 
 



---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Tue, 17 Jul
From: Michael Hall <mhall at syscap.com>
To: 'kerry at navaho.co.uk' <kerry at navaho.co.uk>
Subject: FW: IQ Awards


oh dear....


When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during a
hold-up in Long Beach, California, robber James Elliot did something that
can
only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.
Happily, this time it worked.
                                ------
Labourer Alexander Robinson of Mobile, Alabama, redefined the limits of
tactlessness when he opened his eyes after surgery to restore his sight and
said
agreeably to his wife: "Boy, you sure have got fat in four years."
                                ------
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine
and,
after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company.
The
company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for
himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was
approved.
                                ------
Mourners at the funeral of Anna Bochinsky in Moinesti, Rumania, were
naturally
somewhat taken aback when she abruptly leapt from her coffin as it was being
carried to the grave. Before they could react to this unexpected outburst,
the
woman bounded onto the nearest road, where she was run over and killed by a
passing car.
                                ------
A Malaysian monkey that had been trained to gather coconuts from trees
demonstrated a pressing need for a refresher course when it leapt onto the
shoulders of a passer-by in Kuala Lumpur and tried to twist his head off.
The
passer-by was treated at a local hospital for a sprained neck.
                               ------
In Fort Lauderdale, Florida, a sixteen-year-old youth was charged with
beating
up his fifteen-year-old wife after she hid the caps to his toy pistol.
                                ------
A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago, returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the
space. Understandably, he shot her dead.
                                ------
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found
that
the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to
Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went
to
a nearby bus stop and offered everyone in the queue a free ride. He then
delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the
patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.

The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
                                ------
In Minneapolis USA, 28-year-old Derrick L Richardson has been charged with
third-degree murder of his much loved cousin, Ken E Richardson. According to
local police, Derrick had suggested to Ken that they play a game of Russian
roulette, but having no revolver, instead put a semi automatic pistol to his
cousin's head. Apparently he did not realise that one bullet always loads
into
the firing chamber of a semi-automatic.
                                ------
An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious
head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked about how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he
could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.



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