[Jokes] 10 puns

Chris McKenna cmckenna at sucs.swan.ac.uk
Tue Jun 12 16:23:29 BST 2001

Actual clean jokes - just been sent these - shall I send 'em back?

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead racoons. The
stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."

2. Two boll weevils grew up in Mississippi. One went to Hollywood and
became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the
lesser of two weevils.

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in
the craft, it sank proving once again that you can't have your kayak and
heat it, too.

4. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to
the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand
chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to
a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in
Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself
to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition
was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the
rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in
town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed
their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified,
they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh can prevent florist

9. We all know who Gandhi was, right? He was a spiritual man who fasted
regularly. Some may not realise that fasting, when practised regularly and
for extended periods, leads not only to weight loss, but can also cause
bad breath. No matter, his interests were higher. This great leader hardly
ever wore shoes. One might say he was ... a super-callused fragile mystic
plagued with halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Chris 'Awkward' McKenna

cmckenna at sucs.swan.ac.uk
awkward at gmx.co.uk

The essential things in life are seen not with the eyes,
but with the heart

Antoine de Saint Exupery

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