[Jokes] Fw: If Men Truly Ran The World...

[Tim Jenkins]

> - If Men Truly Ran The World
> If Men Truly Ran The World
>
>
> - Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds
>   of conversation.
>
> - Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack
>   on the butt and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em
>   next time" would pretty much do it.
>
> - Birth control would come in ale or lager.
>
> - Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th
>   so it would only occur in leap years.
>
> - St. Patrick's Day would be celebrated every month.
>
> - Garbage would take itself out.
>
> - The only show opposite "Monday Night Football"
>   would be "Monday Night Football from a Different
>   Camera Angle."
>
> - Instead of "beer-belly," you'd get "beer-biceps."
>
> - Tanks would be far easier to rent.
>
> - Two words... "Ally McNaked."
>
> - When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck
>   answer you responded with would actually reduce
>   your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you
>   were going?"  You: "All I know is, I was spilling
>   my beer all over the place." Cop :"Nice one, That's
>   $10.00 off".
>
> - People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
>
> - Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.
Don't ask me what these are I don't know either
>
> - Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free
>   cards per year.
>
> - The victors in any athletic competition would get
>   to kill and eat the losers.
>
> - It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car,
>   as long as you returned it the following day with a
>   full tank of gas.
>
> - Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you
>   could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand
>   that said "You're #1!"
>
> - When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you
>   during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the
>   corner of the screen during a time-out.
>
> - Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed
>   as an acceptable response to "I love you."
>
> - The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
>
> - "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night," would
>   be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
Now that would be a cool one.  Wonder if itll be a good excuse if I get bad
exam marks.  I was pissed before
>
> - At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and
>   you would jump out of your window and slide down
>   the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car
>   like Fred Flintstone.
Now that would be cool :)
>
> - Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?"
>   cards.