[Jokes] Taliban TV

[Finn Wilcox]

TALEBAN T.V.

6.00 Gee-Had TV. Morning prayers.

8.30  Talitubbies. Talitubbies say "Ah-ah". Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger  missile launcher. La-La & Po show how to grow Anthrax.

9.00 Shouts of Praise. More prayers.

11.00   Jihad's  Army. The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels.

12.00   Ready, Steady, Shoot! Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday objects.

12.30 Panoramadan. The programme reports on  Americas attempts to take over the world.

13.30 Xena: Modestly dressed  Housewife. Xena stays at home and does some cooking.

14.00 Only Fools and  Camels. Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket launchers to Hamas.

14.30  Green Peter. The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk bottle top appeal is  revealed.

15.00 Madrasah Challenge. Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambah Kaskhain asks the questions.'Starter for ten, no praying.'

15.30 I Love  629. A look back at the events of the year, including ! ! the Prophet's entry into Mecca, and the destruction of pagan idols.

16.00   Question Time. Members  of the public face questions from political and religious leaders.

17.00   Koranation Street. Deirdrie faces execution by stoning for adultery.

17.30  Middle-East Enders. The entire cast is jailed for unislamic behaviour.

18.00   Holiday. The team go on pilgrimage to Mecca. Again.

18.30 Top of the  Prophets. Will the Koran be No.1 for the 63,728th week running?

19.00   Who  wants to be a Mujahadin? Mahmoud Tarran asks the questions. Will contestants  phone a mullah, go 'inshallah', or ask the Islamic council?

20.00   FILM:  Shariah's Angels. The three burkha-clad sleuths go undercover to expose an evil  scheme to educate women.

21.30 Big Brother. Who will be taken out of the  house and executed this week?

22.30 Shahs in their Eyes. More hopefuls  imitate famous destroyers of the infidel.

23.30 They think it's Allah over.  Quiz culminating in the 'don't feel the Mullah' round.

0.00 When Imams  attack. Amusing footage shot secretly in mosques. The filmers were also secretly shot.

12.30 a.m. The West Bank Show. Arts programme looking at anti-Israel graffiti art in the occupied territories.

1.30 Bhuffi the Infidel Slayer.

2.00 A book at bedtime. The Koran. Again.

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