[Jokes] Fwd: [schmeeky] Useful
lmi1210 at yahoo.co.uk
Fri Aug 30 23:06:17 BST 2002
20 RESPONSES TO TELEMARKETERS
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you
just filed for
bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say,
glad you asked, because no one these days seems to
care, and I
have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up,
are sore, my dog just died . . . "
3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company,
ask them to
spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company
ask them where it is located, how long it has been
how many people work there, how they got into this
line of work
if they are married, how many kids they have, etc.
asking them personal questions or questions about
for as long as necessary.
4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer:
"Hi, my name
is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a
with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my
God! Judy, how
have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few
moments of terror as she tries to figure out where
know you from.
6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound
one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are
speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the
Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you
can, "I don't
have any friends, would you be my friend?"
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get
Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"
9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel,
ask him or her
to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them
can't just give your credit card number to a
10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same
and they can't sell to employees.
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a
Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my
then hang up.
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment
him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone
number so you
can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer
telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers
say, "I guess
you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?"
Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!"
13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several
14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they
hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you
continue to eat
at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue
15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home
ask if they could bring you some beer.
16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make
up a number.
17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to
you. But I
should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any
18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy
Leon, playing a
joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon,
19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they
speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .
20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want
every word down.
NOTICE: The above have all been tested and approved
for use on
telemarketers. No animals were harmed in the testing
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