[Jokes] A guide to MRML

[Richard Bytheway]

A Guide to MRML

The Mind Reading Markup Language (MRML /mur'mul/) is a proprietary
extension of
the HyperText Markup Language. This document, all MRML tags, and any
ideas you
come up with while reading this information are the exclusive property
of the
authors. This is an open specification that will be expanded as mind
control
technology is refined.

MRML tags can be embedded into any regular HTML document. They are
completely
invisible to all browsers. No one will ever know you are using them.

NOTE: MRML is not case sensitive. <freud> is equivalent to <FREUD> or
<frEUd>.

Basic Markup Tags
The following MRML tags are used to read the client's mind for certain
kinds of
thoughts and emotions about the contained text.

<BRAINSCAN>
Brainscan performs a light scan of the client's thoughts which may
include
perceptions of their current environment. The Brainscan tag is an
invaluable
tool for establishing a user's identity as it is much more reliable than
checking REMOTE_HOST or USER_ID variables.
<THOUGHTSUCK>
Thoughtsuck performs of deeper scan of the client's thoughts which may
included
details of significant events within the past 24 hours.
<DEEPFEARS>subject</DEEPFEARS>
Probes the client's mind for their fears about the contained subject.
<DEEPERFEARS>subject</DEEPERFEARS>
Probes the client's mind for their deeper, more repressed fears about
the
contained subject.
<DEEPESTFEARS>subject</DEEPESTFEARS>
Probes the client's mind for their deepest, most repressed fears about
the
contained subject. WARNING: This tag cannot be exported outside the US
borders.
<SEXTHOUGHTS>subject</SEXTHOUGHTS>
Probes the client's mind for sexual thoughts about the contained
subject. Use of
the Sexthoughts tag will likely be depreciated with the release of the
Freud and
Jung specifications.

Freud and Jung Tags
Specifications for Freudian id, ego, and superego tags and Jungian
symbolic tags
are not currently available.

The HYPNOTIZE Tag
Current technology enables very primitive mind control using MRML tags.
The
so-called Brainwashing tags are delimited by the the special
<!--HYPNOTIZE><HYPNOTIZE--> pair. Suggestions within the Hypnotize area
are
completely invisible to all clients, but it is extremely important that
the tags
are placed correctly. You are liable for any mental damages inflicted by
improperly placed tags.

HYPNOTIZE Area Tags
Within the <!--HYPNOTIZE></HYPNOTIZE--> area the following tags may be
used:


<SUGGEST>text</SUGGEST>
Used for mild, easily acceptable suggestions. For stronger suggestions
use
PROGRAM and BELIEVE.
Some examples:
*    It is warm for this time of year.
*    You need to upgrade your computer.
*    Republican policies aren't all that bad.
<MEME>text</MEME>
Information that you want the client to pass on to friends and
correspondents.
Some popular memes:
*    Chain letters
*    Urban legends
*    Cool ascii graphics
<FORGET>text</FORGET>
Things you want the client to forget. It may be desirable to have the
client
forget the URL of your MRML documents.
<PROGRAM>text</PROGRAM>
Programs the client with a strong post-hypnotic suggestion. There are a
few
optional arguments.
*    <PROGRAM TIMES=3 INTERVAL="1 hour" DELAY="2 days"> will trigger the
suggestions three times at a one hour interval two days hence.
*    <PROGRAM INTERVAL="after every meal" FOREVER> could trigger the
suggestion
brush your teeth for an indefinite time.

Within the <PROGRAM></PROGRAM> area the following tags may be used:


<BELIEVE>text</BELIEVE>
Explicit thoughts to be planted in the client's mind. Beware of
contradictory
programming! Try to remove previous conceptions before reprogramming.
To reprogram someone that thinks that Pepsi is better than Coke:
1.   <BELIEVE>You have no opinions about the relationship between Coke
and
Pepsi.</BELIEVE>
2.   <BELIEVE>Coke is better than Pepsi.</BELIEVE>
3.   <BELIEVE>You are thirsty.</BELIEVE>
<BUY HREF=url>
Encourages the client to buy products on the World Wide Web. The
optional
ITEM=item argument may be used.
<PASSWORD=keyword or phrase>
A convenient way to access the client's mind for future programming
sessions.
Should only be used with a secure client-server connection.
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Clarification: The BLINK Tag
The <BLINK> tag used in many popular browsers is not a MRML specified
tag.
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Running Your Own MRML Server
The software needed to run a MRML-oriented server is freely available to
all
persons and institutions. To obtain a copy of the server software a
representative for you or your company must attend a special 3-day
training
session where they will be given the MRML software package. These
training
sessions are currently being held twice a month at an undisclosed
location;
requests for private training sessions will be considered.
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