[Jokes] FW: Brighten up your day!

[Robert Grant]

Subject:  To brighten up the day...


ONE-POINT OFFICE DARES

1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.

2) Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other
'non-player'must be in the toilet at the time).

3) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

4) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and
say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."

5) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears
and grimace. 

6) When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper
huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!".

7) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out,
say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".

8) Walk sideways to the photocopier.

9) While riding a lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors
open.



THREE-POINTS OFFICE DARES

1) Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with
double-barrelled fingers.

2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get
all that?".

3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).

4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the
nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).

5) Shout random numbers while someone is counting.



FIVE POINT OFFICE DARES

1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be
nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if
you actually launch into it yourself).

2) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you
with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".

4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do
a number two".

5) After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent.
As in " the report's on your desk, Mon". Keep this up for one hour.

6) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.

7) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly
and mutter, "Shut up, damn it,  just shut up!".

8) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my
witness, I'll never go hungry again".

9) In a colleague's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in
tights".

10) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna
swop?".

11) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person:
"Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".

12) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't
talk about it".

13) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a
lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.

14) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a
very important conference call. (Swedish doesn't count Lude)

15) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.

16) Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your
pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.

17) Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit,
smash each biscuit with your fist.

18) During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards
the door.

19) Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting
attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life
counterparts.

AND JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT...

1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and
point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are
going to have to let one of you go."

3) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want
fries with that.

4) Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it "IN."

5) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has
gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6) In the subject field for all your e-mails, write " FOR SEXUAL
FAVOURS".

7) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the
prophecy."

8) Don't use any punctuation

9) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they
answer.

11) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

12) Sing along at the opera.

13) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14) Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of
jungle sounds all day.

15) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their
party because you're not in the mood.

16) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock
Hard.

17) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd
time this week!!!"



And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity....

18) Send this to everyone in your address book, even if they sent
it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this. --


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