[Jokes] FW: [TTFF] Friday (1)

McKenna, Chris (RDSSW) chris.mckenna at defra.gsi.gov.uk
Fri Nov 8 17:33:41 GMT 2002


 
-----Original Message-----
From: John Colby [mailto:John.Colby at btinternet.com] 
Sent: 08 November 2002 14:59
To: TTFF
Subject: [TTFF] Friday (1)


This was posted (very briefly) on the McDonnell Douglas Website by an 
employee there who obviously has a sense of humour. The company, of course, 
does not have a sense of humour, and made the web department take it down 
immediately (for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is  worth a read 
too...).

McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to 
protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the 
warranty registration card below.

Answering the survey questions is not required, but the  information will 
help us to develop new products that best meet your needs  and desires.

1. Title:
[_] Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Lt.
[_] Gen.
[_] Comrade
[_] Classified
[_] Other

First Name: .....................................................
Initial: ........
Last Name......................................................
Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)
Code Name:......................................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ......................

2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ......./....... /......

4. Serial Number: ...............................................

5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified

6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas 
product  you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one

7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision 
to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / manoeuvrability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East(not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia/ Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq

9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to 
purchase in the near future:
[_] Colour TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organisation? (Indicate all 
that apply:)
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal cheque
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveller's cheque
12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defence Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student

13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the 
interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating 
on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilisation / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers 
will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell  Douglas serve you 
better in the future - as well as allowing you to  receive mailings and 
special offers from other companies,   governments, extremist groups, and 
mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be 
registered to  win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION,
Marketing Department Military,
Aerospace Division

IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual 
addressee(s) named above and may contain information that  is confidential 
privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with  low 
self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs. If  you 
are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution 
or   copying of this email is not authorised (either explicitly or 
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word  absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other 
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