[Jokes] EARTHQUAKE Appeal

[Justin Mitchell]

EARTHQUAKE in Wales

A MAJOR EARTHQUAKE MEASURING 4.8 ON THE RICHTER SCALE, HIT IN THE EARLY
HOURS OF Friday 3RD January 2003 EPICENTERED ON SWANSEA SOUTH WALES.

Victims can be seen wandering aimlessly muttering : "How be?", "Tidy"
and "Can't fault it Butt".

The Earthquake decimated the area, causing approximately 30 worth of
damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and
Spanish Costas were damaged. Three areas of historic and scientifically
significant burnt out cars were disturbed.

Many were woken well before their giro arrived. Thousands are confused and
bewildered, trying to come to terms with the fact that something
interesting has happened in Swansea.

One resident, Sara-Angharrod Davies, a 15 year old mother-of-five said "It
was such a shock, little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom
crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it. I
was still shaking when I was watching Killroy Silk the next morning."

Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal.

The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny
Delight to the area to help the stricken masses. Rescue workers are still
searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal
belongings including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos
and bone china from Everythings a Pound.

HOW YOU CAN HELP
This appeal is to raise clothing and food parcels for those unfortunate
enough to be caught up in it.

Clothing is most sought after. Items required include: -
Fila Baseball Caps, Kappa Tracksuit tops (His and Hers), Shell Suits
(Female), White Sports Socks, Nike Air Basketball Boots and any other
items usually sold in TK Maxx.

Food parcels may be harder to put together but necessary all the same.

Required foodstuffs include: -
Microwave meals, Tins of Baked Beans, Ice Cream and cans of Colt 45 or
Special Brew. £2 buys chips, scraps and blue pop for a family of four. £10
can take a family to Port Talbot for the day, where children can play on a
radio active beach infront of the national collection of Steel works.
£1.68 pays for a return bus ticket to the country side where they can pick
magic mushrooms to feed the family.  22p buys a biro for filling in a
spurious compensation claim. Please do not send tents for shelter, as the
sight of "posh" housing is unfair on the population of neighbouring areas
of Gorseinon, Llanelli and Clydach.