[Jokes] Chocolate is a vegetable

[Tony McKenna]

Special note to Roddy. This exposition is fundamentally flawed in its logic.
Somewhere within this flaw lies its humour if indeed there is any.


Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is
derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants,
which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is
a vegetable.

To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk,
which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.

Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries
all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating
it too slowly.

The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store
in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge
off your appetite, and you'll eat less.

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge.
Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate
to protect themselves. (We're testing this with other snack foods as well.)

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that
a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate.

Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today.
That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories
in one place. Now, isn't that handy?

If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But
if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

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