[Jokes] FW: [TTFF] Education jokes

McKenna, Chris (RDSSW) chris.mckenna at defra.gsi.gov.uk
Fri Nov 28 11:04:12 GMT 2003

-----Original Message-----

To mark the day I finish my job at the High School, I enclose some 
education-oriented digs at OPFSTED Inspectors which were circulating 
here earlier in the year. Some of you may get some of the jokes - 
those who are teachers will get them all....


How many OFSTED Inspectors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Assorted replies from uk.education.staffroom newsgroup:

·      Only one, but the last time he did it was 15 years ago.

·      23 - to check all of your lightbulbs in the house at once, 
even though those lightbulbs are the ones you keep in a cupboard 
especially for OFSTED visits, and you'll put the duff ones back as 
soon as they leave.

·      Six - one to change it; one to read the plan on how to 
change it; one to observe the changing; one to write it up; one to 
assess; and one who we are never quite sure why they're there, but 
it makes for an even number.

·      None, they merely advise that the bulb's performance is not 
satisfactory or better.

·      We are unable to give you that information until the report 
is published.

·      The question is addressed on pages 347 to 392 of our 
published findings.

·      OFSTED inspectors don't change lightbulbs (some may have 
changed bulbs in the past; some have seen lightbulbs in operation; 
and some have observed lightbulbs being changed):

·      They can observe you changing the lightbulb

·      They can ask for a written list of aims and objectives for 
your lightbulb changing activity - you'll of course need to show how 
this fits into a general light fitment repair and replacement scheme

·      They can assess your lightbulb changing, eg, `overall 4 - 
needs to inject more pace and challenge (suggest use of stopwatch, 
stilts and blindfold)'

·      They can even send in a special light bulb changing hit 
squad if you're particularly bad - you know, lightbulb in upside 
down, used a candle instead because you'd run out of funds; couldn't 
control lightbulb, etc.

·      But they NEVER do it themselves!

There's only one F'in OFSTED,
But that's quite enough for us.
If there's no F'in lesson plan,
There's one hell of an F'in fuss.

There's an F'in form to fill in,
For everything that's said.
There'll be no F'in future,
If that fails to please the Head.

Sounds like one F'in photocopier
Has died from overheat.
There's no F'in chance at all
To keep the worksheets neat.

There's no F'in inspector
When your lesson is first rate,
And there's no F'in good excuse
To explain why you were late.

There should be an F'in handbook
For everything to do.
Tell the R.I. you left it
For light reading in the loo.

Thee's no F'in parking space,
For half the F'in staff,
Who have the last F'in larf.

There's no F'in spiritual,
Or cultural education.
No F'in equality
But much in differentiation.

There's only one F'in OFSTED,
With its `Education Speak'.
Thank God there's an F'in Friday
To end the F'in week.

Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (Defra)

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