[Jokes] FW: medical notes

McKenna, Chris (RDSSW) chris.mckenna at defra.gsi.gov.uk
Fri Apr 30 14:52:31 BST 2004

You've probably seen most of these before, but they are still funny

-----Original Message-----
Subject: FW: medical notes

Can these really be true???
>  ============================================================
>  1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her 
>     left side for over a year. 
>  2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on 
>     the 3rd day it disappeared completely. 
>  3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, 
>     but her husband states she was very hot in 
>     bed last night. 
>  4. The patient has been depressed ever since 
>     she began seeing me in 1993. 
>  5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. 
>     She also appears to be depressed. 
>  6. Discharge status: Alive but without 
>     permission. 
>  7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male,
>     mentally alert but forgetful. 
>  8. The patient refused an autopsy. 
>  9. The patient has no past history of suicides. 
> 10. Patient has left his white blood cells at 
>     another hospital. 
> 11. Patient's past medical history has been 
>     remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound 
>     weight gain in the past three days. 
> 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and 
>     anorexia for lunch. 
> 13. Between you and me, we ought to be able 
>     to get this lady pregnant. 
> 14. Since she can't get pregnant with her 
>     husband, I thought you might like to work 
>     her up. 
> 15. She is numb from her toes down. 
> 16. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated 
>     and sent home. 
> 17. The skin was moist and dry. 
> 18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. 
> 19. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 
> 20. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. 
> 21. She stated that she had been constipated 
>     for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 
> 22. I saw your patient today, who is still 
>     under our car for physical therapy. 
> 23. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is 
>     circus sized. 

Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (Defra)

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