[Jokes] FW: medical notes
McKenna, Chris (RDSSW)
chris.mckenna at defra.gsi.gov.uk
Fri Apr 30 14:52:31 BST 2004
You've probably seen most of these before, but they are still funny
Subject: FW: medical notes
Can these really be true???
> SOME REAL DOCTORS' NOTES ON PATIENTS' CHARTS
> (ACTUAL NOTES UNEDITED!)
> 1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her
> left side for over a year.
> 2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on
> the 3rd day it disappeared completely.
> 3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills,
> but her husband states she was very hot in
> bed last night.
> 4. The patient has been depressed ever since
> she began seeing me in 1993.
> 5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly.
> She also appears to be depressed.
> 6. Discharge status: Alive but without
> 7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male,
> mentally alert but forgetful.
> 8. The patient refused an autopsy.
> 9. The patient has no past history of suicides.
> 10. Patient has left his white blood cells at
> another hospital.
> 11. Patient's past medical history has been
> remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound
> weight gain in the past three days.
> 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and
> anorexia for lunch.
> 13. Between you and me, we ought to be able
> to get this lady pregnant.
> 14. Since she can't get pregnant with her
> husband, I thought you might like to work
> her up.
> 15. She is numb from her toes down.
> 16. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated
> and sent home.
> 17. The skin was moist and dry.
> 18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
> 19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
> 20. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
> 21. She stated that she had been constipated
> for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
> 22. I saw your patient today, who is still
> under our car for physical therapy.
> 23. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is
> circus sized.
Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (Defra)
This email and any attachments is intended for the named recipient only. Its
unauthorised use, disclosure, storage or copying is not permitted. If you have
received it in error, please destroy all copies and inform the sender. Whilst this
email and associated attachments will have been checked for known viruses
whilst within Defra systems we can accept no responsibility once it has left our
systems. Communications on Defra's computer systems may be monitored
and/or recorded to secure the effective operation of the system and for other
More information about the Jokes