[Jokes] Justice is sweet

Chris McKenna cmckenna at sucs.org
Sun Aug 8 07:45:30 BST 2004

Chris 'Awkward' McKenna

cmckenna at sucs.org

The essential things in life are seen not with the eyes,
but with the heart

Antoine de Saint Exupery

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Subject: The Thief/Sometimes justice is served!

Justice is sweet.

Wayne Rollins, Ed.D. Associate Professor Cooperative Education Director MTSU
Box 31 Murfreesboro, TN 37132 Phone:  (615) 898-2225 Fax:  (615) 904-8003
web: http://www.mtsu.edu/~cooped THE DILLARD'S THIEF-- in San Antonio, Texas

This is too funny!  This must be true, you can't make this stuff up.

Clutching their Dillard's shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully gazed down
at a dead cat in the mall parking lot.  Obviously a recent hit---no flies,
no smell.  "What business could that poor kitty have had here?" murmured
Ellen. "Come on, Ellen, let's just go..." But Ellen had already grabbed her
shopping bag and was explaining,"I'll just put my things in your bag, and
then I'll take the tissue."  She dumped her purchases into Kay's bag and
then used the tissue paper to cradle and lower the former feline into her
own Dillard's bag and cover it.

They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing their goods in
the trunk.  But it occurred to both of them that if they left Ellen's burial
bag in the trunk, warmed by the Texas sunshine while they ate, Kay's Lumina
would soon lose that new-car smell.  They decided to leave the bag on top of
the trunk, and they headed over to Luby's Cafeteria.

After they cleared the serving line and sat down at a window table, they had
a view of Kay's Chevy with the Dillard's bag still on the trunk. BUT not for
long.  As they ate, they noticed a black-haired woman in a red gingham shirt
stroll by their car, look quickly this way and that, and then hook the
Dillard's bag without breaking stride.  She quickly walked out of their line
of vision.  Kay and Ellen shot each other a wide-eyed look of amazement.  It
all happened so fast that neither of them could think how to respond.  "Can
you imagine?" sputtered Ellen. "The nerve of that woman!" Kay sympathized
with Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was building as she thought about the grand
surprise awaiting the red-gingham thief.

Just when she thought she'd have to giggle into her napkin, she noticed
Ellen's eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line.  Following her
gaze, Kay recognized with a shock the black-haired woman with the Dillard's
bag, THE Dillard's bag, hanging from her arm, brazenly pushing her tray
toward the cashier.

Helplessly they watched the scene unfold: After clearing the register, the
woman settled at a table across from theirs, put the bag on an empty chair
and began to eat.  After a few bites of baked whitefish and green beans, she
casually lifted the bag into her lap to survey her treasure. Looking from
side to side, but not far enough to notice her rapt audience three tables
over, she pulled out the tissue paper and peered into the bag. Her eyes
widened, and she began to make a sort of gasping noise.  The noise grew.
The bag slid from her lap as she sank to the floor, wheezing and clutching
her upper chest.  The beverage cart attendant quickly recognized a customer
in trouble and sent the busboy to call 911, while she administered the
Heimlich maneuver.

A crowd quickly gathered that did not include Ellen and Kay, who remained
riveted to their chairs for seven whole minutes until the ambulance arrived.
In a matter of minutes the curly-haired woman emerged from the crowd, still
gasping, strapped securely on a gurney.  Two well-trained EMS volunteers
steered her to the waiting ambulance, while a third scooped up her

The last they saw of the distressed cat-burglar, she disappeared behind the
ambulance doors, the Dillard's bag perched on her stomach.


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