[Jokes] Bart Simpson's Chalkboard Archive (fwd)

Chris McKenna cmckenna at sucs.org
Mon Aug 9 20:57:44 BST 2004

Chris 'Awkward' McKenna

cmckenna at sucs.org

The essential things in life are seen not with the eyes,
but with the heart

Antoine de Saint Exupery

---------- Forwarded message ----------

Bart Simpson's Chalkboard Archive
I will not carve gods. 
I will not spank others. 
I will not aim for the head. 
I will not barf unless I'm sick 
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge. 
I will not conduct my own fire drills. 
Funny noises are not funny. 
I will not snap bras.
I will not fake seizures.
This punishment is not boring and pointless.
My name is not Dr. Death. 
I will not defame New Orleans.
I will not prescribe medication. 
I will not bury the new kid. 
I will not teach others to fly.
I will not bring sheep to class. 
A burp is not an answer. 
Teacher is not a leper. 
Coffee is not for kids.
I will not eat things for money.
I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call. 
The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee. 
I will not call the principal "spud head". 
Goldfish don't bounce. 
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups. 
No one is interested in my underpants. 
I will not sell miracle cures. 
I will return the seeing-eye dog.
I do not have diplomatic immunity.
I will not charge admission to the bathroom. 
I will never win an Emmy. 
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers. 
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man. 
I will not go near the kindergarten turtle. 
I am not deliciously saucy. 
Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan". 
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones. 
There are plenty of businesses like show business. 
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
I will not waste chalk.
I will not skateboard in the halls. 
I will not instigate revolution.
I will not draw naked ladies in class. 
I did not see Elvis.
I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes". 
Garlic gum is not funny. 
They are laughing at me, not with me.
I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom.
I will not fake my way through life.
Tar is not a plaything. 
I will not Xerox my butt.
It's potato, not potatoe.
I will not trade pants with others.
I am not a 32 year old woman. 
I will not do that thing with my tongue. 
I will not drive the principal's car. 
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart. 
I will not sell school property. 
I will not burp in class.
I will not cut corners.
I will not get very far with this attitude. 
I will not belch the National Anthem. 
I will not sell land in Florida.
I will not grease the monkey bars.
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment. 
I will not do anything bad ever again.
I will not show off. 
I will not sleep through my education. 
I am not a dentist. 
Spitwads are not free speech. 
Nobody likes sunburn slappers. 
High explosives and school don't mix. 
I will not bribe Principal Skinner. 
I will not squeak chalk. 
I will finish what I sta 
"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender. 
Underwear should be worn on the inside. 
The Christmas Pageant does not stink. 
I will not torment the emotionally frail. 

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