[Jokes] Lawyer's version of "A visit from St. Nicholas" (fwd)
cmckenna at sucs.org
Thu Dec 23 17:04:47 GMT 2004
> Subject: Lawyer's version of "A visit from St. Nicholas"
> Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did
> occur at a certain improved piece of real property
> (hereinafter referred to as "the House") a general lack of
> activity, i.e. stirring, by all creatures therein,
> including, but not limited to, a mouse.
> A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had
> been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the
> hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/
> Santa Claus (hereinafter referred to as "Claus") would
> arrive at sometime thereafter.
> The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the
> aforementioned House were located in their individual beds
> and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams,
> wherein visions of confectionery treats, including, but not
> limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance,
> cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.
> Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter
> referred to as "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of
> the House with the parties of the second part (hereinafter
> referred to as "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a
> sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were
> clad in various forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)
> Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did
> occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and
> appurtenant to said House, i.e. the lawn, a certain
> disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The
> party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in
> the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance.
> At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with
> some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh
> (hereinafter referred to as "the Vehicle") being pulled
> and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately
> eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be
> and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus.
> Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and
> guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and
> specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name:
> Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and
> Blitzen (hereinafter referred to as "the Deer"). (Upon
> information and belief, it is further asserted that an
> additional co-conspirator named "Rudolph" may have been
> The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and
> the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs
> of several residences located adjacent to and in the
> vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was
> heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown
> origin or nature.
> Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either
> express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and
> Claus entered said House via the chimney.
> Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially
> covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a
> large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned
> packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what
> appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation
> of local ordinances and health regulations.
> Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the
> stocking of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the
> chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did
> not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minors pursuant to
> the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)
> Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his
> nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the
> House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or
> served as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an
> unknown destination.
> However, prior to the departure/escape of the Vehicle, Deer
> and Claus from said House, the party of the first part did
> hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and
> to all a good night!" Or words to that effect.
More information about the Jokes