[Jokes] Thinking (fwd)
Chris McKenna
cmckenna at sucs.org
Sat Sep 18 18:37:16 BST 2004
--
Chris 'Awkward' McKenna
cmckenna at sucs.org
www.sucs.org/~cmckenna
The essential things in life are seen not with the eyes,
but with the heart
Antoine de Saint Exupery
---------- Forwarded message ----------
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then
to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was
more than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't
true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was
thinking all the time.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix,
but I couldn't stop myself.
I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka I
would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly
we are doing here?"
Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off
the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at
her mother's.
I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in.
He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking
has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll
have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about.
I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed,
"I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."
"It is serious," she said, lower lip a quiver. "You think as much as college
professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on
thinking we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry. I'd
had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with a PBS station
on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass
doors... they didn't open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that
night.
As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for
Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your
life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the
standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.
Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA
meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was
"Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the
last meeting.
I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just
seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
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