[Jokes] Thinking (fwd)

Chris McKenna cmckenna at sucs.org
Sat Sep 18 18:37:16 BST 2004

Chris 'Awkward' McKenna

cmckenna at sucs.org

The essential things in life are seen not with the eyes,
but with the heart

Antoine de Saint Exupery

---------- Forwarded message ----------

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then 
to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was 
more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't 
true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was 
thinking all the time.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, 
but I couldn't stop myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka I 
would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly 
we are doing here?"

Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off 
the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at 
her mother's.

I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. 
He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking 
has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll 
have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about.

I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, 
"I've been thinking..."

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, lower lip a quiver. "You think as much as college 
professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on 
thinking we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry. I'd 
had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with a PBS station 
on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass 
doors... they didn't open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that 

As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for 
Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your 
life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the 
standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.

Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA 
meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was 
"Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the 
last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just 
seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.

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