[Jokes] Noah and the Ark in 2005 (fwd)
cmckenna at sucs.org
Mon Aug 15 19:40:50 BST 2005
---------- Forwarded message ----------
In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was
now living in the United States, and said, "Once again,
the earth has become wicked and over-populated and I see
the end of all flesh before me.
Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along
with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have
six months to build the Ark before I will start the
unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights".
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah
weeping in his yard.... but no ark.
"Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have changed.
I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the
inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.
My neighbors! claim that I've violated the neighborhood
zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding
the height limitations.
We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded
a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power
lines and other overhead obstructions, to
clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea.
I argued that the sea would be coming to us, but
they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban
on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl.
I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed
the wood to save the owls. But no go!
When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an
animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining
wild animals against their will.
>As well, they argued the accommodation was too
restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so
many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until
they'd conducted an environmental impact study on
your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the
Human Rights Commission on how many minorities
I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons.
They insist I have to hire only Union workers with
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,
claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least
ten years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
>Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean, You're not going to destroy the world?".
>"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
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