[Jokes] Noah and the Ark in 2005 (fwd)

Chris McKenna cmckenna at sucs.org
Mon Aug 15 19:40:50 BST 2005

---------- Forwarded message ----------

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who  was
now living in the United States, and said, "Once again,
the earth has  become wicked and over-populated and I see
the end of all flesh before  me.
Build another Ark and save two of every living thing  along
with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints,  saying, "You have
six months to build the Ark before I will start the
unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights".
Six months later, the  Lord looked down and saw Noah
weeping in his yard.... but no  ark.
"Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is
the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have  changed.
I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the
inspector  about the need for a sprinkler system.
My neighbors! claim that I've  violated the neighborhood
zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and  exceeding
the height limitations.
We had to go to the Development  Appeal Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation  demanded
a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power
lines and  other overhead obstructions, to
clear the passage for the Ark's move to the  sea.
I argued that the sea would be coming to us, but
they would hear  nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban
on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl.
I tried to  convince the environmentalists that I needed
the wood to save the owls. But  no go!
When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an
animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining
wild animals  against their will.

>As well, they argued the accommodation was too
restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so
many animals in a  confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark  until
they'd conducted an environmental impact study on
your proposed  flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the
Human  Rights Commission on how many minorities
I'm supposed to hire for my  building crew.
Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons.
They insist I have to hire only Union workers with
Ark-building  experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my  assets,
claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with
endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at  least
ten years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies  cleared, the sun began to shine,
and a rainbow stretched across the  sky.
>Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean, You're  not going to destroy the world?".
>"No," said the Lord. "The  government beat me to  it."

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