[Jokes] FW: [TTFF] Corporate Lessons

[McKenna, Chris (RDS SW)]

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Corporate Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower  
when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and  runs
downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door
neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you £800 to drop that  towel."

After   thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in
front of  Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and leaves.  
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she
gets to  the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the £800 he owes
me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and  risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to

prevent   avoidable exposure.

Corporate Lesson 2

A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her  gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After
controlling the  car, he stealthily slid his hand down to her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand  slide
down  
to  her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at  the
church,   
the priest rushed to look  up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek,
further  
up you will find  glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you   might
miss a  
great opportunity.

Corporate Lesson 3

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to  lunch
when
they find an antique oil  lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie
says,  
"I'll give  each of you  just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the administration clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas,  
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof!  She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,  relaxing
on the
beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and  the
love
of my life." Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I   want
those
two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Corporate Lesson 4

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked  him,
"Can I
also sit like you and do  nothing all day long?"  
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground  below
the  crow,  
and rested.  A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be  sitting
very
high up.

Corporate Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to  the
top of
that tree," the turkey sighed, but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull.   " They're
packed   
with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough
strength
to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating  some
more  dung,  
he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night,   there he was
proudly  
perched at the top of the tree.  He was soon spotted by a farmer, who shot
him out  
of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won't  keep
you  there.

Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (Defra)

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