[Jokes] FW: [TTFF] Corporate Lessons
McKenna, Chris (RDS SW)
chris.mckenna at DEFRA.GSI.GOV.UK
Fri Jun 3 12:09:18 BST 2005
Corporate Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs
downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you £800 to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in
front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she
gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the £800 he owes
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to
prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson 2
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After
controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand down to her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide
to her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the
the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek,
up you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might
Corporate Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch
they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie
"I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the administration clerk. "I want to be in the
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing
beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the
of my life." Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want
two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,
also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below
and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
Corporate Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the
that tree," the turkey sighed, but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. " They're
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough
to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some
he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was
perched at the top of the tree. He was soon spotted by a farmer, who shot
of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep
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