[Jokes] Humor . . . (fwd)

[Chris McKenna]

---------- Forwarded message ----------

Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces  himself
to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a  couple of
aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He  sits down
and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and  pressed.
Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in a  perfect
order, spotless, clean. So's the rest of the house. He  takes
the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey,  breakfast
is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love  you."

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a  hot break-
fast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at  the table,
eating.

Marty asks, "Son, what  happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home  after 3 A.M., drunk and
delirious.  Broke some furniture,  puked in the hallway, and
gave yourself a black eye when you  stumbled into the door."

Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is  everything in order and so
clean, and breakfast is on the table  waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you  to the bedroom, and
when she tried to take your pants off, you  said, "Lady, leave
me alone, I'm married'."



A Scotsman was visiting a friend in the North Woods of  Canada,
both liked to hunt. They were hunting for deer when all  of
a sudden a moose popped up in front of them. It was  so
unexpected, neither of them had a chance to fire.

The Scotsman  was shaken. "Hoot mon, wit in blazes was  that?!"

"That was a moose," the Canadian  replied.

"What are ye saying, lad? A moose? Good Lord, I'd  hate to see
yer rats!"



Mr. Anderson  goes to see his doctor feeling a bit unwell.
The doctor checks  him over and eventually finds a couple
bags of money up his ass.  He pulls them out and can't
resist totaling up the value of the  find.

"Well," says Dr. Lieberman, "I've found $1999.99 up  your
tuchus."

"Hmmm," replies the patient,  "that would explain why I've
not been feeling too  grand..."