[Jokes] Understanding Engineers (fwd)

[Chris McKenna]

---------- Forwarded message ----------

UNDERSTANDING  ENGINEERS - TAKE ONE

Two  engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where
did  you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my
own business when a
beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the  bike to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you  want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes  probably
wouldn't have fit."



UNDERSTANDING  ENGINEERS - TAKE TWO

To  the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is  half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to  be.



UNDERSTANDING  ENGINEERS - TAKE THREE

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.  The engineer fumed, "What's with these
guys?  We must have been waiting for 15  minutes!"

The  doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The  pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with
him. Hi George!  Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather
slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
always let them play for free anytime."

The  group was silent for a moment, then the pastor said, "That's so sad. I
think I will say a special prayer for them  tonight."

The  doctor said, "Good idea.  And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said,  "Why can't these guys play at night?"



UNDERSTANDING  ENGINEERS - TAKE FOUR

What  is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.



UNDERSTANDING  ENGINEERS - TAKE FIVE

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"



UNDERSTANDING  ENGINEERS - TAKE SIX

Three  engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another  said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.  The nervous system has
many thousands of electrical connections.

The last one said, "Actually it must have been a civil engineer. Who else
would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"



UNDERSTANDING  ENGINEERS - TAKE SEVEN

Normal  people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features
yet.



UNDERSTANDING  ENGINEERS - TAKE EIGHT

An  engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and  said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his  pocket, smiled at it and returned it
to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket.  Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?  I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything
you want.  Why won't you kiss  me?"

The  engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer.  I don't have time for a girl
friend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."