[Jokes] FW: New Words for 2007 (fwd)

[Chris McKenna]

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Subject: FW: New Words for 2007

To all of you who work in offices and or like partying  I give you

NEW WORDS FOR 2007

TESTICULATING
Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.

BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a 
project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and 
then leaves.

SEAGULL SYNDROME
The person in the office who sees everything as "Mine, Mine, Mine."

ASSMOSIS.
The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by 
sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY.
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get 
screwed and die.

CUBE FARM.
An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING.
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's 
heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to 
applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

SITCOMs.
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into 
when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with 
the kids or start a "home business".

SINBAD.
Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

STRESS PUPPY.
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it 
to work again.

ADMINISPHERE.
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. 
Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly 
inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. 
This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" i.e. needless 
paperwork and processes.

404.
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not 
Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.

OHNOSECOND.
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just 
made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')> > BEER COAT.> The 
invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at> 
3am.

BEER COMPASS.
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze 
cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you 
got here, and where you've come from.

BRITNEY SPEARS.
Modern Slang for 'beers', e.g. "Couple of Britney's please"

JOHNNY-NO-STARS.
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works 
in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying 
stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level 
of training.

MILLENNIUM DOMES.
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from 
the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.

MONKEY BATH.
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo!Oo!Oo! 
Aa!Aa!Aa!".

MYSTERY BUS.
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the 
toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people 
so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.> >

MYSTERY TAXI.
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake 
up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in 
your bed instead.

PICASSO BUM.
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 
four buttocks

SALAD DODGER
An excellent phrase for an overweight person

TART FUEL.
Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women