[Jokes] Literary Stuff

[Chris McKenna]

These are the 10 winners of the Bulwer-Lytton contest (run by the English
Dept of San Jose State University), wherein one writes only the first line
of a bad novel:

10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind
in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it."

9) "Just beyond the Narrows the river widens."

8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned,
unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep
azure-blue
eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for
competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied
description."

7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept
along the East wall: 'Andre creep ... Andre creep ... Andre creep.'"

6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism,
was
about to give his body and soul to a back-alley sex-change surgeon to
become
the woman he loved."

5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from
eking out a living at a local pet store."

4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins
often do."

3) "Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the
corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."

2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning
of the word 'fear,' a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit
in
the eye of death - in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies."

1) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the
greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window,
revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in
frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her,
disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, 'You
lied!'"

-- 
Chris 'Awkward' McKenna

cmckenna at sucs.swan.ac.uk
awkward at gmx.co.uk
www.sucs.swan.ac.uk/~cmckenna


The essential things in life are seen not with the eyes,
but with the heart

Antoine de Saint Exupery