[Jokes] put downs an' stuff...

[Sharon Fawcett]

1.    Ahhh ... I see the f*ck-up fairy has visited us again...
2.    I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to
pronounce.
3.    How about never?  Is never good for you?
4.    I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in
public.
5.    I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
6.    I'll try being nicer ... if you'll try being smarter.
7.    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
8.    I don't work here.  I'm a consultant.
9.    It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10.   I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
11.   I like you.  You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12.   You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13.   I have plenty of talent and vision.  I just don't give a damn.
14.   I'm already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.
15.   I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16.   Thank you.  We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of
view.
17.   The fact that no-one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18.   Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19.   What am I?  Flypaper for freaks!?
20.   I'm not being rude.  You're just insignificant.



"Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people
in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my
older brother Colin. Or my younger  brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's
Colin."

* Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny
to you?"

* Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the
other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

* A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the dog up and
starts swinging it around his head.  Shop assistant calls out:  'Can I help,
sir?' 'No thanks' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

* "Strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go
'Aaaaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing
on an aeroplane, everyone joins in.



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