[Jokes] VIZ' NEW ENGLISH SLANG DICTIONARY, 2001

[Justin Mitchell]

'VIZ' NEW ENGLISH SLANG DICTIONARY, 2001

Aussie Kiss
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

Back End of the Batmobile
The state of your 'Brass Eye' soon after you eat a really hot curry.
e.g. "I had a Ring Stinger in the Benghazi restaurant last night, and now
I've got a dose of Gandhi's Revenge.  My arse feels like the back end of the
Batmobile."

Beer Coat
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3
in the morning.

Beer Compass
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze
cruise, even though you're too pissed to remember where you live, how you
get there, and where you've come from.

BOBFOC
Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.

Boiler Suit
The prosecution charge that you did wilfully, and with phallus afore
thought, score with a Bobfoc last night.  This charge is usually brought by
a kangaroo court of your friends in the pub on Saturday night.

Bone of Contention
A hard-on that causes an argument.
e.g. one that arises when a man is watching Olympic beach volleyball on TV
with his girlfriend

Breaking the Seal
Your 1st piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking
the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every
10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

Budgie's Tongue or Small Man In A Boat or Tongue Punchbag.
The female erection.

BVH
Blue-Veined Hooligan.  The 1-eyed skinhead.

Cider Visor
Beer Goggles for the young drinker.

Cliterature
1-handed reading material.

Cock-A-Doodle-Poo
The bowel movement that, needing to come out urgently, wakes you up in the
morning to get to the toilet quick.

Crappuccino
The particularly frothy type of diarrhoea that you get when abroad.
Double Bass
A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and then
fiddles with the woman's nipples with one hand and her Budgie's Tongue  with
the other.  The position is similar to that used when playing A double bass
instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.

Etch-A-Sketch
Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her nipples
simultaneously.

Fizzy Gravy or Rusty Water
Diarrhoea.

Flogging On
Surfing the Internet for some left-handed websites.

Free the Tadpoles
Liberate the residents of Wank Tanks.

Frigmarole
Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay.

FuckShitFuckShitFuckShit
The sound made when driving through too narrow a gap at too high a speed.

Going For a McShit
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're
just going to the bog.  If challenged by a pimply staff member, your
declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is a McShit With
Lies.

Greyhound
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

Hand-to-Gland Combat
A vigorous masturbation session.

Hefty Cleft, Horse's Collar or Welly Top
Description of a very large vagina.

McSplurry
The type of bowel movement you experience after dining for a week in fast
food restaurants.

Millennium Domes
The contents of a Wonderbra.  i.e. extremely impressive when Viewed from the
outside, but there's actually fuck-all in there worth seeing.

Monkey Bath
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo!  Oo! - Aa!
Aa! Aa!".

Mystery Bus
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're In the toilet
after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub
is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

Mystery Taxi
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wakeup
whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed
instead.

NBR
No Beers Required.  Someone that you'd chat up instantly in the pub.
i.e. The opposite of a 10-Pinter.

Picasso Arse
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4
buttocks.

Sperm Wail or Spuphemism
 A verbal outburst during the male orgasm.

Starfish Trooper or Arsetronaut
A homosexual.

10-Pinter
Someone that you'd only chat up after drinking at least 10 pints.

2-Bagger
Someone that you'd need 2 paper bags to have sex with.
(1 to cover their head, and 1 to cover yours, in case their bag falls off.)

Titanic
A lady who goes down first time out.

Todger Dodger
A lesbian.

Wank Seance
During a masturbation session, the eerie feeling that you're being watched
with disgust by your dead relatives.

X-Piles
Unwanted visitors from Uranus.