[Jokes] This is what everyones CV should be like

[Tim Jenkins]

 Resume 2001
 ------------
 
 OBJECTIVE:
             To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor for
             eight hours, occasionally looking attentive
             when approached by a superior.
 
 EDUCATION:
             School: Very Expensive
             Major:  Not Important
             GPA: Don't Ask, Don't Tell
 
 EMPLOYMENT:
 
           NETWORK MANAGEMENT    (9/96-Present)
           Produced daily itinerary of television programs
           to watch. Duties included changing channels,
           avoiding infomercials, and staying tuned after
           those "important" messages.
 
           DEBT CONSOLIDATION    (4/97-12/99)
           Using various tools such as credit cards and
           borrowed cash, I managed to combine groups
           of unpaid bills into one monthly bill that
           goes straight to my father.
 
 COMPUTER SKILLS:
          *Solitaire
          *Minesweeper
          *On/Off Repair Method
 
 HONORS AND AWARDS:
          *First Place in Miller Lite Funnel Tournament
          *Said Toast at brother's wedding
          *High Score on Theta Chi's Pin Ball Machine
 
 For further references, contact my mother. For positive
 responses, please pose all questions as though you're
 considering me as a law school applicant.
 
_________________________________

Lets all get drunk tonight
I hope I don't Fight with the punk tonight
Lets all get high tonight
Maybe nobody will Die tonight

--Lets all get Drunk tonight Afroman