[Jokes] Fw: Queen Mum

[Tim Jenkins]

> >
> >       Not made up!
> >
> >Excerpts from The Book of Remembrance:
> >
> >----------------------------------------------
> >
> >"I think that the Queen Mum and Princess Diana are our very own Twin
Trade
> >Towers. At last we can look the people of New York in the face".
> >
> >L.Ward, Mansfield.
> >
> >----------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >"When Diana died I swore I would never smile again, but eventually I did.
> >Now the Queen Mum has gone I cannot image that I will ever smile for the
> >rest of my life, but I will probably break that one too".
> >
> >A.Christie,Hendon.
> >
> >----------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >"She was one of the old school, all the remaining royals are shit"
> >
> >J.Clement. Grantham.
> >
> >----------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >"I thought she would never die, she has let us all down very badly"
> >
> >D.Holmes, Somerset.
> >
> >----------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >"She was a trooper and she never gave up. I remember one time she was
> >visiting a school and I asked her if she would like to make a visit to
the
> >cloakroom before she left. 'No' she replied, 'I didn't give in to the
> >Nazisand I won't give in to the bladder'. That's how she was, a fighter,
> >who
> >refused to be beaten by anything. She pissed herself later though, it was
> >sickening".
> >
> >B. Forrester, North Yorkshire.
> >
> >----------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >"She was a marvelous woman, and a wonderful lover". L. J.Worthington,
> >
> >Penrith.
> >
> >----------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >"I am absolutely devastated, at least we could have got the dayoff".
> >
> >S.Wilson, Bristol.
> >
> >----------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >"How refreshing to be able to mourn the death of a member of the Royal
> >family without being accused of being homosexual".
> >
> >J. Fletcher, High Wycombe.
> >
> >----------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >"Her death should act as a warning to others who think it is cool to
> >experiment with drugs".
> >
> >E. Franks, Cheshire.
> >
> >----------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >"On behalf on all blacks, I send the sincerest condolences".
> >
> >T.Watson, Ilford.
> >
> >----------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >"Perhaps if we automated her old golf buggy it could still drive around
The
> >Mall on its own and bring pleasure to the tourists".
> >
> >Y. Howell, Slough.
> >
> >----------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >"Once again the Queen is not upset enough for my liking, the woman should
> >have a bit more compassion, how would she feel if it was her mother?"
> >
> >W.Waugh, Richmond.
> >
> >----------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >"It is such a loss, God has shat on our heads".
> >
> >K. O'Neil, Inverness.
> >
> >----------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >"I am sure the Queen Mum will not let this setback put an end to her
public
> >duties".
> >
> >N. Wallace, Swansea.
> >
> >----------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >"I hold Princess Margaret in no small way responsible for this terrible
> >event"
> >
> >E. Thompson, West Lothian.
> >
> >---------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >"Bomb Iraq for us Tony, its the only thing that will make us feel better"
> >
> >P.McGregor, Southampton.
> >
> >---------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >"We must do all we can, send blankets, food parcels, jumpers, anything to
> >help these brave souls who are queuing up to walk past her coffin".
> >
> >R. Thompson, Bath.
> >
> >---------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >"I have been unable to masturbate for five days, and will not do so again
> >until her majesty is buried"
> >
> >E. Gorman, Derbyshire.
> >
> >---------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >"Good God, who is next, Geri Halliwell?".
> >
> >R. Combes,
> >
> >Romford.
> >
> >---------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >"No matter how she felt, no matter the situation, she always wore a
smile.
> >Just like a retard"
> >
> >G. Hollins, East Sussex.
> >
> >----------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >"I remember she came to visit us in the East End one time. She was so
kind,
> >so generous and so sweet. She whispered softly in my ear, 'you know its
not
> >true' she said, 'you don't smell of shit'. She was a wondrous person".
> >
> >E.Collier, London.
> >
> >----------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >"Whichever way you look at it, it just is not as exciting as Diana".
> >
> >G.Williams, West Midlands.
> >
> >----------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >"She was one of us, and by that I don't mean she perpetrated insurance
> >fraud
> >or lied about expense claims. She was like us in a good way. God bless
you
> >ma'am".
> >
> >L. Weller, Harlow.
> >
> >----------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >"If only I could get my hands on that fish bone right now, you heartless
> >bastard!"
> >
> >J. Hedges, Cowdenbeath.
> >
> >----------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >"She had such a difficult life, always battling against adversity and
> >misfortune. Let us hope that if there is a next time round she is given a
> >life of privilege and comfort"
> >
> >T.D.Wainwright, Hastings.
> >
>
>
>