[Jokes] FW: If you've not seen it before

[Robert Grant]

-----Original Message-----
From:	pdrinkwater
Sent:	Friday, October 04, 2002 9:23 AM
To:	hcalder; jtassell; mhardisty; mwitts; rakhtar; sbaskerville; sdavidson;
cfry; cwarwick; mash; mhayward; rgrant
Subject:	If you've not seen it before


Most likely this isn't 'real' but it's quite funny..

> > Request to Build a Dam
> >
> >
> > This one is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the
>Michigan
> > Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan.
> > Wait till you read this guy's response-but read the State's letter
before
>you
> > get to the response letter.
> >
> >
> > SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County
> >
> > Dear Mr. DeVries:
> >
> > It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality
that
> > there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced
parcel
>of
> > property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or
contractor
> > who did the following unauthorized activity:
> >
> > Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet
>stream
> > of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type
of
> > activity.
> >
> > A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been
issued.
> > Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in
violation
> > of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and
> > Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being
> > sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws,
annotated.
> > The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially
> > failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at
downstream
> > locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and
> > cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and
desist
> > all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a
free-flow
> > condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the
stream
> > channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January
31,
> > 2002.
> >
> > Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
that a
> > follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to
comply
> > with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may
>result
> > in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We
anticipate
>and
> > would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free
to
>contact
> > me at this office if you have any questions.
> >
> > Sincerely,
> > David L. Price
> > District Representative Land and Water Management Division
> > ____________________________________________________
> >
> > (This is the actual response sent back: )
> >
> > Dear Mr. Price,
> >
> > Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
> > Your certified letter dated 12/17/97 has been handed to me to respond
to.
> > I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson,
> > Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of
> > constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet
stream
> > of my Spring Pond.
> > While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I
think
> > they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of
natures
> > building materials "debris."
> > I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their
dam
> > project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely
state
> > there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam
> > resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam
> > determination and/or their dam work ethic.
> > As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must
>first
> > fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.
My
> > first dam question to you is:
> > (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my
> > Spring Pond Beavers or
> > (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State
> > to conform to said dam request?
> > If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers,
> > through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies
> > of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued.
> > Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301,
> > Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental
> > Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections
> > 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
> > I have several concerns. My first concern is -- aren't the beavers
entitled
> > to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially
destitute
> > and are unable to pay for said representation-so the State will have to
> > provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either
one
> > or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing flooding
is
> > proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is
required to
> > protect.
> > In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather
than
> > harassing them and calling their dam names. If you want the stream
>"restored"
> > to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you
are
> > going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your
dam
> > letter they being unable to read English.
> > In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build
their
> > unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and
water
> > flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy
> > Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental
> > Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources
> > (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
> > So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be
referred
> > for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until
1/31/2002?
>The
> > Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no
way
> > for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
> > In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real
> > environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears!
Bears
> > are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be
> > persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are
> > going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not
> > careful where they dump!)
> > Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
contact
>you
> > on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam
>office.
> >
> > Ryan DeVries


Phil Drinkwater
Project Manager
Blitz Games Ltd
Tel: +44 1926 881448
Fax: +44 1926 887209
E-mail: pdrinkwater at BlitzGames.com
http://www.BlitzGames.com



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