[Jokes] Top 17 Corporate Engineering Sentences Translated

[Rhys Jones]

Well, I forget where I originally found this; anyway, it was loitering
within a four-year-old zip file on my PC. Another version can be found at,
e.g. http://homepage.tinet.ie/~nobyrne/engineer.html but as implied, at
the time I changed some of the words from the original, in order to make
them different.

Enjoy.

TOP 17 CORPORATE ENGINEERING SENTENCES TRANSLATED
Donor: Colin Potter, paraphrased by Rhys Jones

It's a hard life in corporate R&D. So we've all developed our own 
shorthand for those times when it gets us down. Don't tell anyone what 
these phrases really mean though.

A number of different approaches are being tried
   (Most involve finding small pins in large bales of dried grass)

An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach to the problem
   (You've got to keep these work experience kids busy somehow)

Close project co-ordination
   (We're close enough to know who to blame)

Major technological breakthrough
   (The technology's average actually, but it's got loads of dead good
    flashy lights on it)

Customer satisfaction is assured
   (We're so far behind schedule that we're assured the customer will be
    positively delirious when it's delivered)

Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive
   (Apart from the loud bang and cloud of smoke when we switched the thing
    on)

Test results were extremely gratifying
   (We looked at each other and thought 'You mean this thing actually
    *works*?')

The entire concept will have to be abandoned
   (The only person who understood the thing broke his arm drinking squash)

It is in the process
   (...of being wrapped up in red tape and suffocated)

We will look into it
   (That's what they said about the Loch Ness monster too)

Please note and initial
   (Collective responsibility in action: I mess up, you take the blame)

Give us the benefit of your thinking
   (We'll ignore all the bits that don't agree with our thinking)

Give us your interpretation
   (Your last 'interpretation' was the biggest laugh we had all year)

See me/Let's discuss this
   (I have no friends)

All new
   (Code completely incompatible with the previous release)

Years of development
   (We all took two weeks' holiday when it finally worked)

Low maintenance
   (Once broken, never fixed)

Rhys
-- 
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