[Jokes] FW: Children

[McKenna, Chris (RDSSW)]

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from 
the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own 
children.




After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve (his 
children).




The first thing he said was, "Don't!"




"Don't what?" Adam replied.




"Don't eat the forbidden fruit," God said.




"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit?




Hey, Eve. . . we have forbidden fruit!" "No way!" "Yes, way!"




"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.




"Why?"




"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, (wondering why 
he hadn't stopped creation after elephants).




A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and 
was He ticked!




"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" our first parent, God, 
asked.




"Uh huh," Adam replied.




"Then why did you?" said the Father.




"I don't know," said Eve.




"She started it!" Adam said, "Did not!" "Did too!" "DID NOT!




Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and 
Eve should have children of their own.




Thus, the pattern was set and it has never changed!




But there is assurance in this story.




If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom 
and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.




If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be 
a piece of cake for you?




Advice for the day:




If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says 
on the aspirin bottle:


"Take two Aspirin" and "Keep away from children."




You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and 
talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and 
shut-up.




Grandchildren are God's reward to you for not killing your children.


Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.




Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for 
word what you shouldn't have said.




The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself 
that there are children more awful than your own.




We child proofed our home 3 years ago and they're still getting in!




Be nice to your kids.


Someday, they'll choose your nursing home.