[Jokes] stella awards
tim at timjenkins.co.uk
Sun Mar 16 13:49:41 GMT 2003
It's time, once again, to consider the candidates for the annual Stella
The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee
herself and successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired the Stella
for the most frivolous successful lawsuits ONLY in the United States. The
following are this year's candidates:
1. Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of
peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running
furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at
verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's
2. A 19-year-old, Carl Truman of Los Angeles, won $74,000 and medical
when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman
didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was
steal his neighbor's hub caps.
3. Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had
finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage
to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't
re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage
he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found
locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he
and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance
situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of
4. Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and
expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's
The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard.The award was less
sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little
the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
5. A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster,
Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her
(tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it
her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
6. Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a
club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the
and knocked out her two front teeth.This occurred while Ms. Walton was
sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50
charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
7. This year's favorite could easily be Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma
Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebagomotor home.
his first trip home, having driven onto the freeway, he set the cruise
at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make
a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the R.V. left the freeway, crashed and
overturned. Mr. Grazinski suedWinnebago for not advising him in the
manual that he couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000
new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of
suit, just in case there were any other complete morons buying their
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