[Jokes] FW: bad reporting - quotes
McKenna, Chris (RDSSW)
chris.mckenna at defra.gsi.gov.uk
Tue May 6 12:42:00 BST 2003
Subject: bad reporting - quotes
MICHAEL Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester
cuddle up to a male
astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK
eclipse coverage remarked:
"They seem cold out there, they're rubbing
each other and he's only
come in his shorts."
Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo
and his caddie
Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the
Scottish Open: "Some weeks
Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he
prefers to do it by himself."
MIKE Hallett discussing missed snooker shots
on Sky Sports:
"Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's
misses every chance he
JACK Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards'
tyre choice on
World Superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on
in practice earlier,
and I bet he wished he had a hard on now."
Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire
Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising
fastest finger first by
herself in bed last night."
WINNING Post's Stewart Machin commentating on
McCoy's formidable lead: "Tony has a quick
look between his legs
and likes what he sees."
ROSS King discussing relays with champion
runner Phil Redmond:
"Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third
CRICKETER Neil Fairbrother hit a single during
a Durham v
Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to
observe: "With his
lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."
CLAIR Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on
Look North said:
"There's nothing like a big hot sausage
inside you on a cold
night like this."
JAMES Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a
Grand Prix, asked:
"What does it feel like being rammed up the
STEVE Ryder covering the US Masters:
"Ballesteros felt much
better today after a 69."
THE new stand at Doncaster race course took
breath away..."My word," he said. "Look at
WILLIE Carson was telling Claire Balding how
jockeys prepare for
a big race when he said: "They usually have
four or five dreams a
night about coming from different
CARENZA Lewis about finding food in the Middle
Ages on Time Team
Live said: "You'd eat beaver if you could
A female news anchor who, the day after it was
supposed to have
snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman
and asked, "So Bob,
where's that eight inches you promised me
last night?" Not only did
have to leave the set, but half the crew did
too, because they were
laughing so hard!
US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie
is playing so well is that, before each tee
shot, his wife takes
out his balls and kisses them .... Oh my
god!!!!! What have I just
Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere.
It's like they've got
eleven Dicks on the field."
Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat
race 1977 - "Ah,
isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge
President is kissing the
of the Oxford crew."
Ted Walsh- Horse Racing Commentator - "This is
really a lovely
horse. I once rode her mother."
New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew
Mehrtens loves it when
Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."
Pat Glenn- Weightlifting commentator - "And
this is Gregoriava
from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning
and it was amazing!"
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