[Jokes] FW: bad reporting - quotes

McKenna, Chris (RDSSW) chris.mckenna at defra.gsi.gov.uk
Tue May 6 12:42:00 BST 2003

-----Original Message-----
Subject: bad reporting - quotes

MICHAEL Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester
cuddle up to a male
astronomer  for warmth during BBC1's UK
eclipse coverage remarked:
"They seem cold out  there, they're rubbing
each other and he's only
come in his shorts."

Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo
and his caddie
Fanny  Sunneson  lining-up shots at the
Scottish Open: "Some weeks
Nick likes to use Fanny,  other weeks he
prefers to do it by himself."

MIKE Hallett discussing missed snooker shots
on Sky Sports:
"Stephen  Hendry  jumps on Steve Davis's
misses every chance he

JACK Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards'
tyre choice on
World  Superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on
in practice earlier,
and I bet he  wished he had a hard on now."

Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire
winner Judith
Keppel on  This  Morning: "She was practising
fastest finger first by
herself in bed last  night."

WINNING Post's Stewart Machin commentating on
jockey Tony
McCoy's  formidable  lead: "Tony has a quick
look between his legs
and likes what he sees."

ROSS King discussing relays with champion
runner Phil Redmond:
"Well  Phil,  tell us about your amazing third

CRICKETER Neil Fairbrother hit a single during
a Durham v
Lancashire  match,  inspiring Bobby Simpson to
observe: "With his
lovely soft hands he just  tossed it off."

CLAIR Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on
Look North said:
"There's  nothing like a big hot sausage
inside you on a cold
night like this."

JAMES Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a
Grand Prix, asked:
"What  does  it feel like being rammed up the
backside by

STEVE Ryder covering the US Masters:
"Ballesteros felt much
better  today  after a 69."

THE new stand at Doncaster race course took
Brough Scott's
breath  away..."My  word," he said. "Look at
that magnificent

WILLIE Carson was telling Claire Balding how
jockeys prepare for
a big  race  when he said: "They usually have
four or five dreams a
night about  coming  from different

CARENZA Lewis about finding food in the Middle
Ages on Time Team
Live  said:  "You'd eat beaver if you could
get it."

A female news anchor who, the day after it was
supposed to have
snowed  and  didn't, turned to the weatherman
and asked, "So Bob,
where's that eight  inches you promised me
last night?" Not only did
have to leave the  set, but half the crew did
too, because they were
laughing so hard!

US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie
(Arnold Palmer)
is  playing so  well is that, before each tee
shot, his wife takes
out his balls and  kisses  them .... Oh my
god!!!!! What have I just

Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere.
It's like they've got
eleven  Dicks on the field."

Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat
race 1977 - "Ah,
isn't that  nice. The wife of the Cambridge
President is kissing the
of the  Oxford  crew."

Ted Walsh- Horse Racing Commentator - "This is
really a lovely
horse. I once rode her mother."

New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew
Mehrtens loves it when
Daryl  Gibson  comes inside of him."

Pat Glenn- Weightlifting commentator - "And
this is Gregoriava
from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning
and it was amazing!"

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