[Jokes] George W Bush-isms

Chris McKenna cmckenna at sucs.org
Wed May 14 21:19:54 BST 2003

Honest-to-god GWB quotes:

  "They misunderestimated me."-Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

  "Think about that. Two hundred and eighty-five new or expanded programs, 
$2 trillion
  more in new spending, and not one new bureaucrat to file out the forms 
or answer the
  phones?"-Minneapolis, Nov. 1, 2000

  "They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it's 
some kind of federal
  program."-St. Charles, Mo., Nov. 2, 2000

  "They said, 'You know, this issue doesn't seem to resignate with the 
people.' And I said, you
  know something? Whether it resignates or not doesn't matter to me, 
because I stand for
  doing what's the right thing, and what the right thing is hearing the 
voices of people who
  work."-Portland, Ore., Oct. 31, 2000 

  "Anyway, after we go out and work our hearts out, after you go out and 
help us turn out the
  vote, after we've convinced the good Americans to vote, and while 
they're at it, pull that
  old George W. lever, if I'm the one, when I put my hand on the Bible, 
when I put my hand on
  the Bible, that day when they swear us in, when I put my hand on the 
Bible, I will swear to
  not-to uphold the laws of the land."-Toledo, Ohio, Oct. 27, 2000 

  "It's your money. You paid for it."-LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

  "That's a chapter, the last chapter of the 20th, 20th, the 21st century 
that most of us would
  rather forget. The last chapter of the 20th century. This is the first 
chapter of the 21st
  century. "-On the Lewinsky scandal, Arlington Heights, Ill., Oct. 24, 

  "It's important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. 
It's not only life of
  babies, but it's life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons 
of the
  Internet."-Arlington Heights, Ill., Oct. 24, 2000  

  "I don't want nations feeling like that they can bully ourselves and our 
allies. I want to have
  a ballistic defense system so that we can make the world more peaceful, 
and at the same time
  I want to reduce our own nuclear capacities to the level commiserate 
with keeping the
  peace."-Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 23, 2000

  "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take 
dream."-LaCrosse, Wis., Oct.
  18, 2000 

  "If I'm the president, we're going to have emergency-room care, we're 
going to have gag

  "Drug therapies are replacing a lot of medicines as we used to know it." 

  "It's one thing about insurance, that's a Washington term."

  "I think we ought to raise the age at which juveniles can have a gun." 

  "Mr. Vice President, in all due respect, it is-I'm not sure 80 percent 
of the people get the
  death tax. I know this: 100 percent will get it if I'm the president." 

  "Quotas are bad for America. It's not the way America is all about." 

  "If affirmative action means what I just described, what I'm for, then 
I'm for it."-St.
  Louis, Mo., October 18, 2000 

  "Our priorities is our faith."-Greensboro, N.C., Oct. 10, 2000

  "I mean, there needs to be a wholesale effort against racial profiling, 
which is illiterate
  children."-Second presidential debate, Oct. 11, 2000 (Thanks to Leonard 

  "It's going to require numerous IRA agents."-On Gore's tax plan, 
Greensboro, N.C., Oct.
  10, 2000 

  "I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to 
answer questions. I can't
  answer your question."-In response to a question about whether he wished 
he could take
  back any of his answers in the first debate. Reynoldsburg, Ohio, Oct. 4, 
2000 (Thanks to
  Peter Feld.)  

  "I would have my secretary of treasury be in touch with the financial 
centers, not only here
  but at home."-Boston, Oct. 3, 2000 (Thanks to M. Bateman.) 

  "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."-Saginaw, 
Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

  "I will have a foreign-handed foreign policy."-Redwood, Calif., Sept. 
27, 2000

  "One of the common denominators I have found is that expectations rise 
above that which is
  expected."-Los Angeles, Sept. 27, 2000

  "It is clear our nation is reliant upon big foreign oil. More and more 
of our imports come
  from overseas."-Beaverton, Ore., Sep. 25, 2000 

  "Well, that's going to be up to the pundits and the people to make up 
their mind. I'll tell
  you what is a president for him, for example, talking about my record in 
the state of Texas.
  I mean, he's willing to say anything in order to convince people that I 
haven't had a good
  record in Texas."-MSNBC, Sept. 20, 2000 (Thanks to Gregory H. Monberg.)

  "I am a person who recognizes the fallacy of humans."-Oprah, Sept. 19, 

  "A tax cut is really one of the anecdotes to coming out of an economic 
illness."-The Edge
  With Paula Zahn, Sept. 18, 2000

  "The woman who knew that I had dyslexia-I never interviewed 
her."-Orange, Calif., Sept.
  15, 2000

  "The best way to relieve families from time is to let them keep some of 
their own
  money."-Westminster, Calif., Sept. 13, 2000

  "They have miscalculated me as a leader."-Ibid. 

  "I don't think we need to be subliminable about the differences between 
our views on
  prescription drugs."-Orlando, Fla., Sept. 12, 2000

  "This is what I'm good at. I like meeting people, my fellow citizens, I 
like interfacing with
  them."-Outside Pittsburgh, Sept. 8, 2000

  "That's Washington. That's the place where you find people getting ready 
to jump out of the
  foxholes before the first shot is fired."-Westland, Mich., Sept. 8, 2000

  "Listen, Al Gore is a very tough opponent. He is the incumbent. He
  represents the incumbency. And a challenger is somebody who generally
  comes from the pack and wins, if you're going to win. And that's where
  I'm coming from."-Detroit, Sept. 7, 2000 (Thanks to Michael Butler, 
Houston, Texas.)

  "We'll let our friends be the peacekeepers and the great country called 
America will be the
  pacemakers."-Houston, Texas, Sept. 6, 2000

  "We don't believe in planners and deciders making the decisions on 
behalf of
  Americans."-Scranton, Pa., Sept. 6, 2000

  "I regret that a private comment I made to the vice presidential 
candidate made it through
  the public airways."-Allentown, Pa., Sept. 5, 2000. 

  "The point is, this is a way to help inoculate me about what has come 
and is coming."--on
  his anti-Gore ad, in an interview with the New York Times, Sept. 2, 2000 

  "As governor of Texas, I have set high standards for our public schools, 
and I have met those
  standards."--CNN online chat, Aug. 30, 2000

  "Well, I think if you say you're going to do something and don't do it, 

  "I don't know whether I'm going to win or not. I think I am. I do know 
I'm ready for the
  job. And, if not, that's just the way it goes."-Des Moines, Iowa, Aug. 
21, 2000

  ''This campaign not only hears the voices of the entrepreneurs and the 
farmers and the
  entrepreneurs, we hear the voices of those struggling to get 

  "We cannot let terrorists and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or 
hold our allies

  "I have a different vision of leadership. A leadership is someone who 
brings people
  together."-Bartlett, Tenn., Aug. 18, 2000 (Thanks to Tarja Black.)

  "I think he needs to stand up and say if he thought the president were 
wrong on policy and
  issues, he ought to say where."-Interview with the Associated Press, 
Aug. 11, 2000
  (Thanks to Ryan Rhodes.) 

  "I want you to know that farmers are not going to be secondary thoughts 
to a Bush
  administration. They will be in the forethought of our 
thinking."-Salinas, Calif., Aug. 10,
  2000 (Thanks to Kris Sester.) 

  "And if he continues that, I'm going to tell the nation what I think 
about him as a human
  being and a person."-President George H.W. Bush, on the Today show, Aug. 
1, 2000

  "You might want to comment on that, Honorable."--To New Jersey's 
secretary of state,
  the Hon. DeForest Soaries Jr., as quoted by Dana Milbank in the 
Washington Post, July 15,

  "This case has had full analyzation and has been looked at a lot. I 
understand the
  emotionality of death penalty cases."--Seattle Post-Intelligencer, June 
23, 2000 (Thanks
  to Johnny Green.)

  "States should have the right to enact reasonable laws and restrictions 
particularly to end
  the inhumane practice of ending a life that otherwise could 
live."-Cleveland, June 29, 2000
  (Thanks to Douglas Basford.)

  "Unfairly but truthfully, our party has been tagged as being against 
  Anti-immigrant, for example. And we're not a party of anti-immigrants. 
Quite the
  opposite. We're a party that welcomes people."-Cleveland, July 1, 2000 
(Thanks to M.

  "The fundamental question is, 'Will I be a successful president when it 
comes to foreign
  policy?' I will be, but until I'm the president, it's going to be hard 
for me to verify that I
  think I'll be more effective."-In Wayne, Mich., as quoted by Katharine 
Q. Seelye in the
  New York Times, June 28, 2000 

  "The only things that I can tell you is that every case I have reviewed 
I have been
  comfortable with the innocence or guilt of the person that I've looked 
at. I do not believe
  we've put a guilty ... I mean innocent person to death in the state of 
Texas." All Things
  Considered, NPR, June 16, 2000 (Thanks to Andy Nouraee.) 

  "I'm gonna talk about the ideal world, Chris. I've read-I understand 
reality. If you're
  asking me as the president, would I understand reality, I do."-On 
abortion, Hardball,
  MSNBC; May 31, 2000

   "There's not going to be enough people in the system to take advantage 
of people like
  me."-On the coming Social Security crisis; Wilton, Conn.; June 9, 2000 
(Thanks to Andy

  "I think anybody who doesn't think I'm smart enough to handle the job is
  underestimating."-U.S. News & World Report, April 3, 2000 (Thanks to 
Alfred Stanley,
  Austin, Texas.)

  Bush: "First of all, Cinco de Mayo is not the independence day. That's 
dieciséis de
  Septiembre, and ..." 
  Matthews: "What's that in English?"
  Bush: "Fifteenth of September." (Dieciséis de Septiembre = Sept. 16) 
  -Hardball, MSNBC, May 31, 2000 (Thanks to numerous readers.)

  "Actually, I-this may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. 
When I'm talking
  about-when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, 
all of us are
  talking about me."-Ibid. 

  "This is a world that is much more uncertain than the past. In the past 
we were certain, we
  were certain it was us versus the Russians in the past. We were certain, 
and therefore we had
  huge nuclear arsenals aimed at each other to keep the peace. That's what 
we were certain of.
  ... You see, even though it's an uncertain world, we're certain of some 
things. We're certain
  that even though the 'evil empire' may have passed, evil still remains. 
We're certain there
  are people that can't stand what America stands for. ... We're certain 
there are madmen in
  this world, and there's terror, and there's missiles and I'm certain of 
this, too: I'm certain
  to maintain the peace, we better have a military of high morale, and I'm 
certain that under
  this administration, morale in the military is dangerously 
low."-Albuquerque, N.M., the
  Washington Post, May 31, 2000 

  "He has certainly earned a reputation as a fantastic mayor, because the 
results speak for
  themselves. I mean, New York's a safer place for him to be."-On Rudy 
Giuliani, The Edge
  With Paula Zahn, May 18, 2000 (Thanks to Peter Goldman.) 

  "The fact that he relies on facts-says things that are not factual-are 
going to undermine his
  campaign."-New York Times, March 4, 2000 (Thanks to Garry Trudeau.) 

  "I think we agree, the past is over."-On his meeting with John McCain, 
Dallas Morning
  News, May 10, 2000

  "It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."--Reuters, May 
5, 2000 (Thanks to
  Allison Fansler.)

  GOV. BUSH: Because the picture on the newspaper. It just seems so 
un-American to me,
  the picture of the guy storming the house with a scared little boy 
there. I talked to my little
  brother, Jeb-I haven't told this to many people. But he's the governor 
of-I shouldn't call
  him my little brother--my brother, Jeb, the great governor of Texas. 
  JIM LEHRER: Florida. 
  GOV. BUSH: Florida. The state of the Florida.-The NewsHour With Jim 
Lehrer, April
  27, 2000

  "I hope we get to the bottom of the answer. It's what I'm interested to 
know."-On what
  happened in negotiations between the Justice Department and Elián 
González's Miami
  relatives, as quoted by the Associated Press, April 26, 2000 (Thanks to 
Saul Selzer.)

  "Laura and I really don't realize how bright our children is sometimes 
until we get an
  objective analysis."-Meet the Press, April 15, 2000

  "You subscribe politics to it. I subscribe freedom to it."-Responding to 
a question about
  whether he and Al Gore were making the Elián González case a political 
issue. In Palm
  Beach, Fla., as quoted by the Associated Press, April 6, 2000 (Thanks to 
Helen Kennedy.)

  "I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to 
California. In more ways
  than Washington, D.C., is close to California."-In Los Angeles as quoted 
by the Los
  Angeles Times, April 8, 2000 

  "Reading is the basics for all learning."-Announcing his "Reading First" 
initiative in
  Reston, Va., March 28, 2000 (Thanks to Carl LaRocca.)

  "We want our teachers to be trained so they can meet the obligations, 
their obligations as
  teachers. We want them to know how to teach the science of reading. In 
order to make sure
  there's not this kind of federal-federal cufflink."-At Fritsche Middle 
  Milwaukee, March 30, 2000 

  "Other Republican candidates may retort to personal attacks and negative
  ads."-Fund-raising letter from George W. Bush, quoted in the Washington 
Post, March
  24, 2000 

  "I've got a reason for running. I talk about a larger goal, which is to 
call upon the best of
  America. It's part of the renewal. It's reform and renewal. Part of the 
renewal is a set of
  high standards and to remind people that the greatness of America really 
does depend on
  neighbors helping neighbors and children finding mentors. I worry. I'm 
very worried about,
  you know, the kid who just wonders whether America is meant for him. I 
really worry
  about that. And uh, so, I'm running for a reason. I'm answering this 
question here and the
  answer is, you cannot lead America to a positive tomorrow with revenge 
on one's mind.
  Revenge is so incredibly negative. And so to answer your question, I'm 
going to win because
  people sense my heart, know my sense of optimism and know where I want 
to lead the
  country. And I tease people by saying, 'A leader, you can't say, follow 
me the world is
  going to be worse.' I'm an optimistic person. I'm an inherently content 
person. I've got a
  great sense of where I want to lead and I'm comfortable with why I'm 
running. And, you
  know, the call on that speech was, beware. This is going to be a tough
  campaign."-Interview with the Washington Post, March 23, 2000 

  "People make suggestions on what to say all the time. I'll give you an 
example; I don't read
  what's handed to me. People say, 'Here, here's your speech, or here's an 
idea for a speech.'
  They're changed. Trust me."-Interview with the New York Times, March 15, 

  "It's evolutionary, going from governor to president, and this is a 
significant step, to be
  able to vote for yourself on the ballot, and I'll be able to do so next 
fall, I hope."-In an
  interview with the Associated Press, March 8, 2000 (Thanks to Joshua 
Micah Marshall.) 

  "It is not Reaganesque to support a tax plan that is Clinton in 
nature.''-Los Angeles, Feb.
  23, 2000

  "I don't have to accept their tenants. I was trying to convince those 
college students to
  accept my tenants. And I reject any labeling me because I happened to go 
to the
  university."-Today, Feb. 23, 2000

  "I understand small business growth. I was one."-New York Daily News, 
Feb. 19, 2000 

  "The senator has got to understand if he's going to have-he can't have 
it both ways. He can't
  take the high horse and then claim the low road."-To reporters in 
Florence, S.C., Feb. 17,

  "Really proud of it. A great campaign. And I'm really pleased with the 
organization and the
  thousands of South Carolinians that worked on my behalf. And I'm very 
gracious and
  humbled."-To Cokie Roberts, This Week, Feb. 20, 2000

  "I don't want to win? If that were the case why the heck am I on the bus 
16 hours a day,
  shaking thousands of hands, giving hundreds of speeches, getting 
pillared in the press and
  cartoons and still staying on message to win?"-Newsweek, Feb. 28, 2000 

  "I thought how proud I am to be standing up beside my dad. Never did it 
occur to me that he
  would become the gist for cartoonists."-ibid.

  "If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and 
principles, come and join
  this campaign."-Hilton Head, S.C., Feb. 16, 2000

  "How do you know if you don't measure if you have a system that simply 
suckles kids
  through?"-Explaining the need for educational accountability in 
Beaufort, S.C., Feb. 16,

  "We ought to make the pie higher."-South Carolina Republican Debate, 
Feb. 15, 2000

  "I do not agree with this notion that somehow if I go to try to attract 
votes and to lead
  people toward a better tomorrow somehow I get subscribed to some-some 
doctrine gets
  subscribed to me."-Meet The Press, Feb. 13, 2000 

  "I've changed my style somewhat, as you know. I'm less-I pontificate 
less, although it may
  be hard to tell it from this show. And I'm more interacting with 

  "I think we need not only to eliminate the tollbooth to the middle 
class, I think we should
  knock down the tollbooth."-Nashua, N.H., as quoted by Gail Collins in 
the New York
  Times, Feb. 1, 2000

  "The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my 
case."-Pella, Iowa, as
  quoted by the San Antonio Express-News, Jan. 30, 2000

  "Will the highways on the Internet become more few?"-Concord, N.H., Jan. 
29, 2000

  "This is Preservation Month. I appreciate preservation. It's what you do 
when you run for
  president. You gotta preserve."-Speaking during "Perseverance Month" at 
  Elementary School in Nashua, N.H. As quoted in the Los Angeles Times, 
Jan. 28, 2000

  "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."-Greater 
Nashua, N.H.,
  Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000

  "What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they 
basically delineate based
  upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think vulcanize 
society. So I don't know
  how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative 
positions, but that's my
  position.''-Quoted by Molly Ivins, the San Francisco Chronicle, Jan. 21, 
2000 (Thanks to
  Toni L. Gould.)

  "When I was coming up, it was a dangerous world, and you knew exactly 
who they were,"
  he said. "It was us vs. them, and it was clear who them was. Today, we 
are not so sure who
  the they are, but we know they're there."-Iowa Western Community 
College, Jan 21, 2000

  "The administration I'll bring is a group of men and women who are 
focused on what's best
  for America, honest men and women, decent men and women, women who will 
see service
  to our country as a great privilege and who will not stain the 
house."-Des Moines Register
  debate, Iowa, Jan. 15, 2000

  "This is still a dangerous world.  It's a world of madmen and 
uncertainty and potential
  mential losses."-At a South Carolina oyster roast, as quoted in the 
Financial Times, Jan.
  14, 2000

  "We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor just like you 
like to be liked

  "Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"-Florence, 
S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

  "Gov. Bush will not stand for the subsidation of failure."-ibid.

  "There needs to be debates, like we're going through. There needs to be 
town-hall meetings.
  There needs to be travel. This is a huge country."-Larry King Live, Dec. 
16, 1999

  "I read the newspaper."-In answer to a question about his reading 
habits, New Hampshire
  Republican Debate, Dec. 2, 1999

  "I think it's important for those of us in a position of responsibility 
to be firm in sharing
  our experiences, to understand that the babies out of wedlock is a very 
difficult chore for
  mom and baby alike. ... I believe we ought to say there is a different 
alternative than the
  culture that is proposed by people like Miss Wolf in society. ... And, 
you know, hopefully,
  condoms will work, but it hasn't worked."-Meet the Press, Nov. 21, 1999

  "The students at Yale came from all different backgrounds and all parts 
of the country.
  Within months, I knew many of them."-From A Charge To Keep, by George W. 
  published November 1999

  "It is incredibly presumptive for somebody who has not yet earned his 
party's nomination to
  start speculating about vice presidents."-Keene, N.H., Oct. 22, 1999, 
quoted in the New
  Republic, Nov. 15, 1999

  "The important question is, How many hands have I shaked?"-Answering a 
question about
  why he hasn't spent more time in New Hampshire, in the New York Times, 
Oct. 23, 1999

  "I don't remember debates. I don't think we spent a lot of time debating 
it. Maybe we did,
  but I don't remember."-On discussions of the Vietnam War when he was an 
  at Yale, Washington Post, July 27, 1999

  "The only thing I know about Slovakia is what I learned first-hand from 
your foreign
  minister, who came to Texas."-To a Slovak journalist as quoted by Knight 
Ridder News
  Service, June 22, 1999. Bush's meeting was with Janez Drnovsek, the 
prime minister of

  "If the East Timorians decide to revolt, I'm sure I'll have a 
statement."-Quoted by
  Maureen Dowd in the New York Times, June 16, 1999

  "Keep good relations with the Grecians."-Quoted in the Economist, June 
12, 1999

  "Kosovians can move back in."-CNN Inside Politics, April 9, 1999

  "It was just inebriating what Midland was all about then."-From a 1994 
interview, as
  quoted in First Son, by Bill Minutaglio

Chris 'Awkward' McKenna

cmckenna at sucs.org

The essential things in life are seen not with the eyes,
but with the heart

Antoine de Saint Exupery

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