[Jokes] Fw: Church Bulletins (many new ones)
cmckenna at sucs.org
Thu Dec 16 23:24:36 GMT 2004
These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced
in church services:
* Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
* Bertha Belch, a missionary fromAfrica, will be speaking tonight at
Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way fromAfrica.
* The cost of the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
* The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
* Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your
* The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care
much about you.
* Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
* During the evening service Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass
this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
* Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.
* Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of
Pastor Bill's sermons.
* The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
* A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.
* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is
Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
* Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
* Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
* Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.
* Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy
* The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment
and gracious hostility.
* Potluck supper Sunday at5:00 PM- prayer and medication to follow.
* The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
* This evening at7 PMthere will be a hymn singing in the park across
from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
* Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at10 AM. All ladies
are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
* The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
* Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at7 PMPlease use the
* The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend
* Weight Watchers will meet at7 PMat the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
* The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge ? Up Yours."
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