[Jokes] Bob Monkhouse's guide to...

[Rhys Jones]

Shamelessly pinched from Creamguide:
(http://groups.yahoo.com/group/creamguide/)

Bob's guide to...

Money:
"I said to my tax inspector, 'Have a heart!' He took it."

Parties:
"I never dance on an empty stomach unless it's someone I don't like"

Culture:
"Our local pub's full of artists - but none of them can paint."

Politics:
"When it comes to solving unemployment the Government just won't take *now*
for an answer."

Gratitude:
"Don't bite the hand that feeds you. There's more meat further up."

History:
"If it's true that history repeats itself, where are those 1950 prices?"

Retribution:
"If you must take the law into your own hands, strangle a solicitor."

Counterculture:
"I went to a Gay Nineties Party once. All the men were gay, and all the
women were ninety."

Crime:
"I just read that Ronnie Corbett had his pocket picked. Now that's what I
call stooping low."

Broadcasting:
"Speaking on radio for money is like joining a monastery to meet girls."

The New Year:
"Me and the Old Year usually pass out at the same time."

The Future:
"By the time you find greener pastures, you're too old to climb the fence."

Death:
"We all have to go some time. I usually go during the commercials."

Bob Monkhouse, 1928-2003