[Jokes] Bikers and newly weds

[leslie.glover at bt.com]

A member of a Hells Angels motor bike gang stops by the Harley Shop to 
have his bike fixed. The shop couldn't repair it while he waited, so he 
said since he didn't live far away he would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, he now had a problem, how to carry all of his purchases home.. 
The store owner said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry 
the bucket in one hand, put a chicken undereach arm and carry the goose 
in your other hand?" 

"Hey, thanks!" the biker said, and out the door he went. 

In the parking lot he was approached by a little old lady who told him 
she was lost. 

She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" 

The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird 
Lane. Let's take the short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time." 

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a 
lonely widow without a husband to defend me. You are a rough looking 
biker. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt and ravish me?" 
The biker said, "Holy Jesus lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, 
two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up 
against the wall and do that?" 
The lady said, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the 
anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."



A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. 
The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. 
So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back." 
"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife. 
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer." 
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc. The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly-pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses..." 
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?" 
She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it. 
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvre that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?" 
"You want hors d'oeuvre, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvre: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc. 
"But my sweet honey... at the bar... you know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that..." 
"You want dirty words, cutie pie?... 


"LISTEN UP , DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR ****ing BEER IN YOUR GODDAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHER-****ing SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED NOW, YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! 
GOT IT, ASSHOLE?"