[Jokes] why we love children (fwd)

[Chris McKenna]

Why We Love Children
>1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was 
dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?"
she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move", 
answered the child innocently. You did WHAT ? !
?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know,"explained the boy, "I 
leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't
move."
>
>2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes 
later....."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring
drink of water?" "No, You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes 
later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I
have a drink of water??" I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to 
spank you!!" Five minutes
later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can 
you bring a drink of water?"
>
>3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, 
finally asked him "How do you expect to get into
Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and 
in and out and keep slamming the door until
St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
>
>4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking 
her son into bed. She was about to turn off
the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep 
with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave
him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in 
Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by
his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."
>
>5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the 
children's sermon. All the children were invited to
come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, 
as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and
said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little 
girl replied, directly into the pastor's
clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
>
>6 When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old 
came into the room when I was just getting
ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I 
replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby
growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your 
butt?"
>
>7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two 
plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three
plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was 
saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The
little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework Mom." "And this is how 
your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother
asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the 
next day, "What are you teaching my son in
math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The 
mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say
two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped 
laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was,
two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
>
>8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken 
Little to her class. She came to the part of the
story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and 
so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and
said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then 
asked the class, "And what do you think that
farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 
'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'" The teacher
was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
>
>9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. 
Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this
was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in 
Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm 
not."
>
>10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the 
boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play
with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a 
few moments and asked, "If I can find a
smooth one, can I play with him?"
>
>11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands 
next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his
hair cut, eating a snack cake The barber says to her, Sweetheart, you're 
gonna get hair on your Twinkie." says, "Yes, I
know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."
>
>Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else!!


-- 
Chris 'Awkward' McKenna

cmckenna at sucs.org
www.sucs.org/~cmckenna


The essential things in life are seen not with the eyes,
but with the heart

Antoine de Saint Exupery