[Jokes] Conductor (fwd)

[Chris McKenna]

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Conductor
This bloke is working on the buses and collecting tickets. He rings the bell
for the driver to set off when there's a woman half getting on the bus. The
driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed.

At the trial the bloke is sent down for murder and seeing as it's Texas he's
sent to the electric chair. On the day of his execution he's sat in the
chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.

"Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?"

"Yes" answers the executioner.

"Can I have that green banana?" the man asks.

The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits until he's eaten
it. When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending
hundreds of thousands of volts through the man.

When the smoke clears the man is still alive. The executioner can't believe
it.

"Can I go?" the man asks. "I suppose so" says the executioner, "that's never
happened before."

The man leaves and eventually gets his job back on the buses selling
tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still
getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke is sent
down for murder again and sent to the electric chair.

The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up
to the electric supply for the whole of Texas. The bloke is again sat in the
chair.

"What is your final wish?" asks the executioner.

"Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch?" says the condemned man.

The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana. The bloke eats
the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch. Millions of volts
course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the smoke clears the man
is still there smiling in the chair. The executioner can't believe it and
lets the man go.

Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once
again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this time
killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again.

The executioner rigs up all the electricity in America to the chair,
determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling.

"What's your final wish?" asks the executioner.

"Well" says the man, "Can I have that green banana out of your packed
lunch?"

The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin
included. The executioner then pulls the handle and a zillion million
trillion volts go through the chair.

When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive without even a burn
mark. "I give up" says the executioner, "I don't understand. How you can
still be alive after all that?"

He stroked his chin. "It's something to do with that green banana isn't it?"
he asked.

"Nahh" said the bloke,"...I'm just a really bad conductor."