[Jokes] New from Micro$oft (fwd)

Chris McKenna cmckenna at sucs.org
Sun Jan 9 20:02:40 GMT 2005

New from Micro$oft

Coming soon to a grocery store near you.


By removing the product from the box and peeling back the plastic cover, you 
agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not 
give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an 
infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others smell and 
look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is.

Microsoft makes no claims for the fitness of this dinner for any purpose, 
including human consumption, and will not be responsible for damages of any 
kind in the event of the user's death or other loss or damage to the user or 
the user's kitchen, including but not limited to ovens, pots, pans, and 
related hardware.

If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the 
oven using these keystrokes:

\mstv.dinn.//08.5min at 50%heat// .

Then enter

ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\l/yum~yum-) gohot#cookme

If you have a Unix oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients of the 
dinner (found on the package label), theweight of the dinner, and the 
desired level of cooking and press start. The oven will calculate the time 
and heat and cook the dinner exactly to your specification.

If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven will set 
itself and cook the dinner.

Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your oven must 
be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the dinner from the oven 
and enter ms.nodamn.good/tryagain\again.again.crap

This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave and then 
doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your hardware vendor.

Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger than 
the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of which are 
empty. These are for future menu items. If the tray is too large to fit in 
your oven you will need to upgrade your equipment.

Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the chicken 
variety is currently produced. If you want another variety, call Microsoft 
Help and they will explain that you really don't want another variety. 
Microsoft Chicken is all you really need.

Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of their 
chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger family size. 
Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must be saved only in 
Microsoft approved packaging.

Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98. However, that 
version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get thrilled in 
advance. Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the 
freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature, not a bug. 
Your freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway. 

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