[Jokes] New from Micro$oft (fwd)
cmckenna at sucs.org
Sun Jan 9 20:02:40 GMT 2005
New from Micro$oft
Coming soon to a grocery store near you.
WELCOME TO MICROSOFT TV DINNER!
By removing the product from the box and peeling back the plastic cover, you
agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not
give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an
infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others smell and
look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is.
Microsoft makes no claims for the fitness of this dinner for any purpose,
including human consumption, and will not be responsible for damages of any
kind in the event of the user's death or other loss or damage to the user or
the user's kitchen, including but not limited to ovens, pots, pans, and
INSTALLATION INSTRUCTIONS - PC OVENS
If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the
oven using these keystrokes:
\mstv.dinn.//08.5min at 50%heat// .
INSTALLATIONS INSTRUCTIONS - UNIX OVENS
If you have a Unix oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients of the
dinner (found on the package label), theweight of the dinner, and the
desired level of cooking and press start. The oven will calculate the time
and heat and cook the dinner exactly to your specification.
INSTALLATION INSTRUCTIONS - MACINTOSH OVENS
If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven will set
itself and cook the dinner.
Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your oven must
be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the dinner from the oven
and enter ms.nodamn.good/tryagain\again.again.crap
This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave and then
doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your hardware vendor.
Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger than
the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of which are
empty. These are for future menu items. If the tray is too large to fit in
your oven you will need to upgrade your equipment.
Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the chicken
variety is currently produced. If you want another variety, call Microsoft
Help and they will explain that you really don't want another variety.
Microsoft Chicken is all you really need.
Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of their
chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger family size.
Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must be saved only in
Microsoft approved packaging.
Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98. However, that
version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get thrilled in
advance. Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the
freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature, not a bug.
Your freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.
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