[Jokes] Computer problems (fwd)
cmckenna at sucs.org
Mon Sep 5 08:56:49 BST 2005
Some new ones and some older ones....
These are too good not to share
Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just
doesn't work. What am I doing wrong? Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in
the CD drive, right? Customer: Yeah.... Tech support: And what sort of
computer are you using? Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer.
It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen..... Tech
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. Tech support:
Have you tried pushing the button? Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note. Customer: No ..
wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk...
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you? Male customer: Hello... I can't
print. Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and... Customer:
Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, damn
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I
try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed
it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
Customer: I have problems printing in red... Tech support: Do you have a
color printer? Customer: Aaaah.................... thank you.
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am? Customer: A teddy bear my
boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Tech support: Are you sure
it's plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can't get behind the
computer. Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
keyboard? Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah... that one does work
Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital
letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
Customer: I can't get on the Internet. Tech support: Are you sure you used
the right password? Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech
support: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five stars.
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Tech
support: That's not an anti-virus program. Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my
computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
Tech support: How may I help you? Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have
the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows? Customer: "No, my desk is
next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle
next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."
And last but not least:....
Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same
time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the
letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager." Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob. Customer: What do you mean? Tech
support: "P"..... on your keyboard, Bob. Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO
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