[Jokes] FW: [TTFF] Tony Blair (fwd)
cmckenna at sucs.org
Tue Apr 18 18:50:36 BST 2006
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This was posted on another forum Today, and I thought it well worth
putting on here.
While vacationing on a farm one August day, Tony Blair gets thrown
from his horse, lands on a snake, gets bitten and dies because A+E at
the nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time.
His soul arrives in heaven and he is met by St. Peter at the Pearly
Gates. Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it
seems there is a problem. We seldom see a New Labour member around
these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem. Just
let me in. I'm a believer", says Blair. "I'd love to just let you in
but I have orders from the God".
He says you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then,
you will choose where you'll live for eternity." I've already made up
my mind, I want to be in Heaven," replied Blair. "I'm sorry, but we
have our rules." With that, St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and
he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf
course; the sun is shining in a cloudless sky, the temperature is a
perfect 72° F. There is a beautiful clubhouse in the distance.
Standing in front of the clubhouse is his dad and thousands of other
socialists who had helped him out over the years Gordon Brown, Harold
Wilson, Peter Mandleson, etc. The entire "Left" was in Hell.
Everyone was laughing. They were happy. They were wearing expensive
clothes. They ran to greet him, to hug him, and to reminisce about the
good times that they've had getting rich at the expense of the
"suckers and peasants." They played a friendly game of golf and then
dined on lobster and caviar. It was fun. The Devil himself comes up to
Blair with a frosty drink. "Drink this Margarita and relax, Tone!"
"Uh, I can't drink anymore. I took a pledge," says Blair. This is Hell
son, you can drink and eat all you want and not worry. It just gets
better from there!" Blair takes the drink and drinks it. He finds
himself liking the Devil. He thinks that the Devil is a really very
friendly guy who tells funny jokes like he does and pulls hilarious
nasty pranks, kind of like they pulled on the Stealth taxes and the
They are having such a great time that, before he realizes it, it's
time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Blair steps on
the elevator and heads upward. When the elevator door reopens and St.
Peter is waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit Heaven," St. Peter says, opening the gate. So,
for the next 24 hours, Blair hangs out with a bunch of honest,
good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things
other than money, and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or
a joke is shared among them; there are no fancy country clubs; the
food tastes great, however, it's not caviar or lobster.
These people are all quite poor. Blair doesn't see anybody he knows
and he isn't even treated like someone special! "Whoa," he says
uncomfortably to himself. "The Party never prepared me for this!"
Sometime during the evening, St. Peter returns and says, "Well, you've
spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to
live for eternity."
With the 'Jeopardy' theme playing softly in the background, Blair
reflects for a minute, then answers, "Well, I would never have thought
that I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all -- but
I really think I belong in Hell with my friends."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down,
all the way down to Hell.
The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren
scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial waste. He is
horrified to see all of his friends dressed in rags and chained
together picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. They are
groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime.
The Devil comes over to Blair and puts an arm around his shoulder. "I
don't understand," screams a shocked Blair. "Yesterday I was here and
there was a golf course and a clubhouse and we ate lobster and caviar
and drank booze, we had a great time! Today, there's just a wasteland
full of garbage and everybody looks so miserable!"
The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly, and purrs:
"Yesterday we were campaigning; but today you voted for us!"
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