[Jokes] Murder At Safeway (fwd)
cmckenna at sucs.org
Tue May 15 19:29:28 BST 2007
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young
husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance
policy on his wife, with himself as the beneficiary, and arranging to
have her killed. A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a nefarious
underworld figure who went by the name of "Artie."
Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a
spouse was $5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount but
that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's
insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid something up front. The man
opened up his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested
Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the
dollar as down payment for the dirty deed. A few days later, Artie
followed the man's wife to the local Safeway grocery store. There, he
surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her
with his gloved hands.
As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the
floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto
the scene. Unwilling to leave any witnesses behind, Artie had no choice
but to strangle the produce manager as well.
Unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by hidden cameras
and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the
police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could leave the store.
Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the
sordid plan, including his financial arrangements with the hapless
And that is why, the next day in the newspaper, the headline declared:
"ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR AT SAFEWAY"
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