[Jokes] Fw: Support Techniques !! (fwd)

[Steve Hill]

These really are so true!

-- 

- Steve Hill
System Administrator         Email: steve at navaho.co.uk
Navaho Technologies Ltd.       Tel: +44-870-7034015

        ... Alcohol and calculus don't mix - Don't drink and derive! ...


---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Mon, 30 Jul 2001 10:14:22 +0100
From: paul acketts <paul at navaho.co.uk>
To: all at navaho.co.uk
Subject: Fw: Support Techniques !!

--
Paul Acketts
Support & Network Engineer
Email: paul at navaho.co.uk
Tel:   0870 703 4015
Web:   www.navaho.co.uk
----- Original Message -----
From: "Tony Jones" <tonyj at premiermarinas.com>
To: "'James Acketts'" <james at navaho.co.uk>; "'Paul Acketts'"
<paul at navaho.co.uk>; "Dennis Platt" <dp at cableconnect.co.uk>
Sent: Saturday, July 28, 2001 1:28 PM
Subject: Support Techniques !!


> There are a number of key phrases that are used on a regular basis at help
> desks around the world. They sound harmless enough but often have hidden
> meanings, understood only by those who have been initiated into the black
> art of the help desk. In this listing of common phrases and their true
> meanings, I'm sure you'll see some that you've heard before and some that
> you might have even used yourself.
>
> What we say vs. what we mean
> "To tell you the truth/To be honest..."
> Meaning: "I am about to heavily bend the truth."
>
> "It would probably be best to re-install the software."
> Meaning: "I don't know how to fix this, nor does anyone else here. By the
> time we've worked out the solution, you could have re-installed the
package
> a dozen times."
>
> "Hmmm! That's a good one!"
> Meaning: "What the heck are you talking about?"
>
> "There must be some incompatibility problem."
> Meaning: "I haven't got a clue."
>
> "I'll check with my team leader."
> Meaning: "He hasn't got a clue either."
>
> "We have passed the problem on to the developers."
> Meaning: "Even they don't have a clue."
>
> "Let me just check with a colleague."
> Meaning: "I'll press the mute button now because I can't stop laughing."
>
> "What operating system are you running?"
> Meaning: "Do you know what an operating system is?"
>
> "Are you getting a login error?"
> Meaning: "You've forgotten your password, haven't you?"
>
> "Let's check your system settings."
> Meaning: "I wasn't listening the first time."
>
> "I apologize unreservedly for my mistake."
> Meaning: "Damn! I just broke the first help desk law!"
>
> "Let's run through that procedure one more time and check the exact error
> message."
> Meaning: "I need to play for time while I reboot my machine, swallow this
> huge lump of sandwich I just bit off, find the relevant help file, or
finish
> making the tea."
>
> What the callers say vs. what they mean
> "I haven't touched anything."
> Meaning: "I have just fiddled with some registry settings/DLLs/system
> settings and now it won't work at all."
>
> "I really truly haven't touched anything."
> Meaning: "I've really done it this time."
>
> "What would happen if...?"
> Meaning: "I've just done this and feel a bit silly. How would I fix it
> without anyone knowing?"
>
> "I'm a personal friend of the chairman."
> Meaning: "He once swore at me for using his parking space."
>
> "I'm running Windows 97."
> Meaning: "I don't know the difference between an operating system and an
> office package."
>
> "Of course everything is plugged in! Do you think I'm stupid?"
> Meaning: "Something is not plugged in."
>
> "I really can't waste any more time on this, goodbye!"
> Meaning: "I just spotted what I did wrong, and I'm very embarrassed."
>
> "My screen is blurred and I get headaches."
> Meaning: "The guy across the corridor just got a new screen and I want one
> too."
>
> "Is there a problem with the network?"
> Meaning: "I forgot my password."
>
> "It won't let me in and I know I entered the password correctly."
> Meaning: "I have caps lock on."
>
> "I checked my caps lock and I still can't log in."
> Meaning: "I forgot my password, and the last time this happened I had my
> caps lock on."
>
> "Has this problem been reported by anyone else?"
> Meaning: "Am I the only clueless pony on the block?"
>
>
> Tony Jones
> Chichester Marina
> Tel:  01243 512 731
> Fax: 01243 513 472
> mailto:tonyj at premiermarinas.com
> http://www.premiermarinas.com
>