[Jokes] New Element Discovered

Chris McKenna cmckenna at sucs.swan.ac.uk
Thu Sep 6 21:40:22 BST 2001


Investigators at a major research institute have
discovered the heaviest element known to science.
This startling new discovery has been tentatively

This new element has no protons or electrons, thus
having an atomic number of ZERO. It does, however,
have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice
neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons, giving it an
atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held
together by a force called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles
called peons.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert.
However, it can be detected as it impedes every
reaction with which it comes into contact. According to
the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium
causes one reaction to take more than four days to
complete when it would normally take less that one

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately
three years. It does not decay but, instead, undergoes
a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons
exchange places. In fact, an Administratium sample's
mass will actually increase over time since, with each
reorganization, some of the morons inevitably become
neutrons, forming new isotopes. This characteristic of
moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate
that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach
a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical
quantity is referred to as "the critical morass". You will
know it when you see it.

Chris 'Awkward' McKenna

cmckenna at sucs.swan.ac.uk
awkward at gmx.co.uk

The essential things in life are seen not with the eyes,
but with the heart

Antoine de Saint Exupery

More information about the Jokes mailing list