[Jokes] FWD: Fw: (fwd)
steve at navaho.co.uk
Wed Jun 25 10:52:28 BST 2003
> Subject: GCSE questions and answers
> The following questions and answers were collected from last year's
> GCSE exams, and are some of the answers given by British students
> their (Year 11) GCSE Exams last year. These are genuine responses!!
> (16 years old and stupid - But someone loves 'em. They cheer up a
> day no end)
> Q: Name the four seasons.
> A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
> Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
> A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
> pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
> Q: How is dew formed?
> A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
> Q: What is a planet?
> A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
> Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
> A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water
> tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon,
> and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this
> Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
> A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.
> Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
> A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
> Q: What are steroids?
> A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
> Q: What happens to your body as you age?
> A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
> Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
> A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
> Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
> A: Premature death.
> Q: What is artificial insemination?
> A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
> Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
> A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]
> Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g. abdomen.)
> A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax,
> abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains
> heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,
> E,I,O and U.
> Q: What is the Fibula?
> A: A small lie.
> Q: What does "varicose" mean?
> A: Nearby.
> Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
> A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
> Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
> A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
> Q: What is a seizure?
> A: A Roman emperor.
> Q: What is a terminal illness?
> A: When you are sick at the airport.
> Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
> A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like
> Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its
> A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
> Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
> A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
> Q: What is a turbine?
> A: Something an Arab or Sikh wears on his head.
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