[Jokes] FWD: Fw: (fwd)

Steve Hill steve at navaho.co.uk
Wed Jun 25 10:52:28 BST 2003

>     Subject: GCSE questions and answers

>     The following questions and answers were collected from last year's
>     GCSE exams, and are some of the answers given by British students
>     writing
>     their (Year 11) GCSE Exams last year. These are genuine responses!!
>     (16 years old and stupid - But someone loves 'em. They cheer up a
>     teacher's
>     day no end)

>     Geography
>     Q: Name the four seasons.
>     A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

>     Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
>     drink.
>     A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
>     pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

>     Q: How is dew formed?
>     A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

>     Q: What is a planet?
>     A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

>     Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
>     A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water
>     tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon,
>     and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this

>     Sociology
>     Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
>     A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

>     Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
>     A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

>     Q: What are steroids?
>     A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

>     Biology
>     Q: What happens to your body as you age?
>     A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

>     Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
>     A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

>     Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
>     A: Premature death.

>     Q: What is artificial insemination?
>     A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

>     Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
>     A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]

>     Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g. abdomen.)
>     A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax,
>     the
>     abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains
>     the
>     heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,
>     E,I,O and U.

>     Q: What is the Fibula?
>     A: A small lie.

>     Q: What does "varicose" mean?
>     A: Nearby.

>     Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
>     A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

>     Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
>     A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

>     Q: What is a seizure?
>     A: A Roman emperor.

>     Q: What is a terminal illness?
>     A: When you are sick at the airport.

>     Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
>     A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like
>     umbrellas.

>     English
>     Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its
>     meaning.
>     A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

>     Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
>     A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

>     Technology
>     Q: What is a turbine?
>     A: Something an Arab or Sikh wears on his head.

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