[Jokes] Fw: walcot diary (fwd)

[Chris McKenna]

---------- Forwarded message ----------
   What I did on my summer holiday
   By Theo Walcott.

   I went to a place called Germany with my Uncle Sven and some other
   grown up's. It is a country in Europe where a bad man called Adolf
   used to live with his nazties, he does not live there anymore, Uncle
   Owen does live there, and the grown up's say I cant talk about the
   bad man as it will make Uncle Owen cry if I do. In Germany there are
   lots of castles and some mountains. We are staying in a place called
   Baden Baden that's a silly name, Uncle Frank has the same name as
   his dad, that's silly too, his mum must get their underpants mixed
   up all the time.

   On the aeroplane Uncle Sol sat next to me, he got me some toffee and
   wants to be my friend, he works at the place where I do my YTS, so
   does Uncle Freddy but him and Uncle Sol are not best friends
   anymore.

   Uncle Owen met us at the airport, he talks foreign, Uncle Wayne,
   Uncle Steven and Uncle David also talk funny, my mum says Uncle
   David talks like Orville, he is a duck, Uncle Sol say's uncle David
   wears dresses and knickers, and asked me if I had ever worn them.
   Uncle Sol got me some pop.

   In Germany the grown ups are going to play football, my grandad says
   we beat them in the olden days before my mum was born. That is a
   long time ago.

   While the grown up's went to play football so I went shopping with
   Auntie Vicky and some other girls she bought me a big ice cream and
   got herself a little one but she said she was full before she had
   eaten any and threw it away. She bought lots of shoes and handbags
   and let me play with Brooklyn. She say's she used to be in a pop
   band and sang me one of her songs, I think she was telling fibs.

   I told Uncle Sol about my day out with Vicky and he sulked, then he
   bought me an even bigger ice cream with lots of hundred's &
   thousands on it.

   All the other grown up's have a girlfriend except Uncle Sol so he
   plays with me while they go out. Uncle Sven says I must keep Uncle
   Sol happy, that's why I got taken on holiday.

   The grown up's went to play Football against somebody called Sweden,
   Uncle Sol was crying as Uncle Freddy played for them and would not
   talk to him.


   Uncle Sol bought me lots of toffee today and some crisps. Uncle Sven
   is from Sweden and I heard him on the phone to their boss last
   night. Uncle Michael hurt his knee and had to go home to his mum for
   a plaster. Uncle Peter is a giant, a proper giant like you see in
   books, he is rubbish at football though.

   Uncle Wayne had a sore toe at the start of out holiday but it got
   better so they let him play football. Uncle Sol got me a present but
   I do not like it. He says all Germans wear leather underpants and I
   should while we are here, they are too tight for me.

   All the grown up's started to call Uncle Wayne a potato head who
   stood on somebody's spuds. He got shouted at by the referee. They
   are all saying that we have to go home now. Uncle Sol was crying
   again and I had to sit on his knee to make him stop. He had his
   mobile phone in his pocket, I think.


   Theo Walcott aged 17 and a bit